The Caveman Ready Reckoner

If Roland Emmerich's 10,000 BC has whetted your appetite for a simpler way of life, here are a few more cinematic cave-dwellers for you...

A typical cave-woman

Quest For Fire (1981)Featuring a primitive language invented for the film by Anthony Burgess, this is possibly the first film to theorise the sexual preferences of pre-iron-age people. Taken quite seriously when it came out, parts of this story now seem remarkably ‘Cro-Magnum’ in their logic.– Mark Pickavance

1,000,000 Years BC (1966)Hammer’s mid-sixties stop-motion fest found new starlette Raquel Welch protected from the elements and the rubber monsters only by a furry bikini. The glamorous, grunting cave-dwellers found themselves constantly under attack from dinosaurs who, chronologically, had been mere fossils for millions of years by then.

Clan Of The Cave Bear (1986)Daryl Hannah is the cro-magnon blonde looking for her family in writer John Sayles’ adaptation of Jean M. Auel’s novel. A cinematic flop that has slowly gained some interest in the video-world.

When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth (1970)Val Guest’s stab at helming Hammer’s second entry into dino-land found the sauciest bunch of din-ettes outside of porno spoofs, with fairly dumbe blonde Victoria Vetri muscling in on Carry-On star Imogen Hassall’s territory and land. Monsters are a mix of stop motion and lizard-tank split-screens, but it has one remarkable dinosaur chase that rivals anything else in the genre.

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Eegah! (1962)The Crazed Love of a Prehistoric Giant for a Ravishing Teenage Girl! James Bond villain Richard Kiel returns from prehistory to cause chaos in Palm Springs, California. Yaba-daba don’t. Utter crap. – Rob McLaughlin

California Man (US title: Encino Man, 1992 )Brendan Fraser is ‘Link’, the improbably revived ice-age man that – you guessed it – causes something of a stir when introduced to the shallow denizens of the Encino valley in Les Mayfield’s brainless but engaging teen comedy.

Iceman (1984)California Man without the laughs. John Lone is Charlie The Iceman in this tale of a frosty return from prehistory. Timothy Hutton and Lindsay Crouse are the doctors poking him with cold probes.

Caveman (1981)Ringo Starr and wifey Barbara Bach play prehistory for laughs in this under-appreciated spoof of caveman films, which actually features better special effects than most of the serious ones.

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