One Eyed Monster DVD review

Could One Eyed Monster have just made its bid for the title of daftest film of all time? It's got Ron Jeremy in it, which helps...

One Eyed Monster

Some time ago, I reviewed Killer Klowns From Outer Space for Den Of Geek (which you can find here). There was no mistaking, that was an incredibly silly film, but somehow it was excusable as merely another of those silly films from the 80s – the decade that style forgot. It was not offensively bad, just impossible to take seriously even for a second, and in its own cult way, it was actually kind of fun too. Well, if I’d thought that film held the prize for being the daftest ever made, I think I might have to make way for a new champion with One Eyed Monster, a film so completely and utterly ridiculous it makes Killer Klowns look like Les Misérables.

Let’s play a fun game – see how many horror film clichés you can spot in this summary. The basic plot revolves around ten people who head into secluded mountains during a blizzard to make an adult film. There’s a ditzy blonde girl, a ditzy brunette girl, and a ditzy brunette boy. There’s also the token black guy, the token nerd who’s a whiz-kid with gadgets, and Ron Jeremy, the porn star. During their stay, the blizzard gets worse, cutting them all off from society and a way back home. Moreover, there are no phones in the cabins where they’re staying, and the one guy who owns a mobile phone can’t get a signal. One night, a shooting star falls from the sky and somehow takes possession of Ron Jeremy’s penis, the result being that the possessed genitalia rips itself free of his body and undertakes a murderous killing spree.

Okay, so the last few sentences there may be slightly different from your usual horror film fare, and in all honesty, One Eyed Monster does have a few quirks going for it, and even a few laughs. The problem is, as soon as you’ve laughed, you’ll feel like an idiot, because deep down you know these are jokes that would have ten-year-old boys in fits of giggles. Whether or not the humour here strikes a chord will depend on whether you think women being raped literally to death is funny. There’s a distinctly nasty taste left in the mouth with the idea that one dead porn star doesn’t really matter, and almost the suggestion she deserved it.

The critical studies student in me would have relished this film when writing his dissertation; there seems to be a whole world of subtext, of the male fear of an out of control, disobedient penis (a metaphor for erectile dysfunction, maybe?), and the treatment of women, but viewing this now purely on its own merits and without looking for any sort of subtext, the only impression I was left with was what a total waste of time and money this film is. It boggles the mind that in an office somewhere, a director said “Hey, how about a film about a flying, murderous dick?” and somebody went “GREAT!” Fans of Buffy The Vampire Slayer may also be dismayed to see Amber Benson, who played Tara, putting her name to something so awful.

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The extra features include a documentary on Ron Jeremy, and what is obviously a fake documentary about the “Dick Wrangler” – the guy who designed the various penises used for the film. It’s all very juvenile, and not that entertaining.

Film:

1 stars
Disc:
1 stars

Rating:

1 out of 5