Allow me to retort: Roger Moore

Fancy a healthy selection of the quips and comebacks of Mr Roger Moore? Then you're in the right place!

The eyebrow that launched a thousand retorts...

Sir Roger Moore, otherwise known as Turk Thrust II (one for Pink Panther fans there) is a living legend. Full of humility and self-deprecating humour sadly lacking from many lesser stars, the man’s movie output is also eminently quotable, even if some of the films themselves are more forgettable. Want proof? Coming right at ya. Roger, we salute you.

Live and Let Die (1973) – Smooth Roger

(Bond unzips Italian agent Miss Caruso’s dress with the magnet in his watch)Miss Caruso: Such a delicate touch.James Bond: Sheer magnetism, darling.

(Evil box Kananga explodes from a swollen gas pellet)Solitaire: Where’s Kananga?Bond: He always did have an inflated opinion of himself.

Ad – content continues below

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) – Charming Roger

Q: Right. Now pay attention, 007. I want you to take great care of this equipment. There are one or two rather special accessories…James Bond: Q, have I ever let you down?Q: Frequently.

Log Cabin Girl: But James, I need you.James Bond: So does England!

The Persuaders (1971-72) – Posh Roger

Felix Meadowes: I’m in trouble, Brett.Lord Brett Sinclair: Money trouble?Felix Meadowes: Woman trouble.Lord Brett Sinclair: Oh. Well, if you’re going to have trouble, that’s the sort to have.

The Wild Geese (1978) – Blunt Roger

Ad – content continues below

(Discussing the best way to overcome sentry posts)Lt. Pieter Coetze: And there’s no cover from 100 yards? I’d use a crossbow.Lt. Shawn Fynn: Who do you think you are, William Tell?

(After a parachute jump)Faulkner: Shawn, how goes it?Lt. Shawn Fynn: Oh fine, fine thanks. I tell you, Jock, that’s it. My heels are where my balls used to be.

The Man With The Golden Gun (1974) – Suave Roger

James Bond: Who’d want to put a contract on me?M: Jealous husbands! Outraged chefs! Humiliated tailors! The list is endless!

Lazar: Mr. Bond, bullets do not kill. It is the finger that pulls the trigger.James Bond: Exactly. I am now aiming precisely at your groin. So speak or forever hold your piece.

The Sea Wolves (1980) – Honest Roger

Ad – content continues below

Mrs. Cromwell: You’ve killed him!Capt. Gavin Stewart: Yes, he was going to kill me. And you. Things like that tend to make me impulsive.

The Cannonball Run (1981) – Aristocratic Roger

Seymour Goldfarb Jr: Well, I must say, that’s not a very sporting way to win.Jamie Blake: No, it was a shitty way to win!

(At the starting line with the car’s lights off)Seymour Goldfarb Jr: Would you mind? (Official punches the time card and gives it to him]Seymour Goldfarb Jr: Thank you.Official: Might be easier with your lights on.Seymour Goldfarb Jr: Why advertise?

Curse of the Pink Panther (1983) – French Roger

Lady Simone Litton: Darling?Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Yes, my darling?Lady Simone Litton: You are smoking the wrong end.Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Yes, I… knew that. You don’t have to tell me I am smoking on ze wrong end. Do you know vy I am smoking on ze wrong end?Lady Simone Litton: No, darling, but I’m sure you have a very good reason.Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Right! I’m smoking on ze wrong end because I have a very good reason.

Ad – content continues below

Spice World (1999) – Bizarre Roger

The Chief: When the rabbit of chaos is pursued by the ferret of disorder through the fields of anarchy, it is time to hang your pants on the hook of darkness. Whether they’re clean or not.

View To A Kill (1985) – Far-too-old-but-still-gets-the-girls Roger

James Bond: Well my dear, I take it you spend quite a lot of time in the saddle.Jenny Flex: Yes, I love an early morning ride.James Bond: Well, I’m an early riser myself.

(Having slept with May Day the night before)Max Zorin: You slept well?James Bond: A little restless but I got off eventually.