A Good Day To Die Hard DVD review

Does Die Hard 5 improve on DVD? Here's our review...

Dropping a sausage through the grill and onto the coals of a barbecue.

CG monkeys.

When you open a yoghurt and some drips off the lid onto your trousers.

Simon Cowell.

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The EastEnders videogame on the ZX Spectrum.

The 20 minutes I lost trying to work out what Noel Edmonds has done with his beard.

The moment when you work out how many calories are in a pork pie.

The day that Neon magazine closed down.

Coffee that you didn’t realise had gone cold.

That Bacardi advert that played for three years solid at UK cinemas in the early 90s.

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Donald Trump.

The song in that Cameron Diaz film where she sang about willies.

The column of shame on the Daily Mail website.

Lambrini and lemonade.

Ads on Den Of Geek that make noise when you roll the mouse over.

That bit in The Fifth Element when Chris Tucker turns up.

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Level three of Arkanoid.

The word ‘amazeballs’.

Dentists who spend lots of money on posh tellies for their waiting rooms, then charge you the earth.

Middle lane hoggers.

The woman who threatened to wee in the serving hatch when I worked the night shift at a petrol station.

Danny Dyer DVD boxsets.

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The bit in the middle of a franchise film where you realise the filmmakers have forgotten why you rooted for the central character in the first place.

Trains where you have to sit through 20 announcements an hour.

The last 10 minutes of Jurassic Park: The Lost World.

Driver 3.

Reviews of Driver 3.

Beetroot.

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Those irritating ties that come with every child’s toy, that take a good hour to remove.

Self-service tills.

Self-service tills that tell you there’s an “unexpected item in the bagging area”.

Bluetooth earpieces.

People who shout at cheese.

That Billy Crystal doesn’t make more films.

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Adam Sandler’s copy of Final Draft.

Repeats of quiz shows.

McDonald’s coffee.

A car that won’t start on a winter’s morning.

The gift your kids get from a Santa’s grotto at a shopping centre.

Half-sized ‘Enter’ keys on computer keyboards.

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Motivational training courses.

Doyleys.

Cutting a film to get a softer certificate in cinemas, then having the temerity to sell the proper version of the film as a ‘Harder Extended Cut’

Any version of Microsoft Word post-2003.

Websites that post spoilers on their Twitter feed.

That bastard who drove through a puddle while I was waiting at the bus stop back in 1992. I’ve not forgotten.

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Watered down soup in motorway service stations.

Cribbage.

The Vervoids.

Hidden mushy bits in bananas.

A Good Day To Die Hard.

[Our longer review of the film is here]

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Rating:

1 out of 5