Those guys that make the Saw movies; they’re cheeky fuckers. Just when you think you’re passed having to see another Saw movie, they find a way to hook you back in.
Five films in, I can safely say that the Saw movies aren’t for me. I was all set to ignore Saw V up until I saw that bastard poster with its advertising slogan of doom.
‘You Won’t Believe How It Ends’
‘Pfft’ I scoffed ‘I think I probably will believe how it ends. I think I already believe that it ends exactly the fucking same as the last pissing one did. Right? I mean probably. The chances of them doing something a bit different that’s actually interesting… there’s no way. Is there? It would just be… well they might. Almost definitely not, but it is…’
Shit. So I’m apparently seeing Saw V now. Lucky me. This did get me thinking about what the ending could possibly be. Here’s what I think are the 10 most likely possibilities.
1. Umm, you remember how in the first Saw it seemed like it was that one guy but then it turned out that it wasn’t and that he was being made to do it by the actual Jigsaw? Well, the ‘actual’ Jigsaw was actually working for someone else too (you remember all that stuff that happened with him in Saw 3? Well that was actually a dream). At the end of Saw V, we get to meet the REAL Jigsaw… or do we?
2. It turns out that Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time.
3. The killer, whoever it turns out to be, kills everyone, steals a painting and a bag of diamonds before jumping on a plane to London, where he’ll banter with, and torture, the criminal underworld, setting the scene for ‘Guy Richie’s Saw 6’
4. It turns out that Bruce Willis wasn’t a ghost the whole time.
5. It turns out to be an alien/cult conspiracy like it did in Texas Chainsaw Massacre 4 and Halloween 6.
6. The killer, whoever it turns out to be, kills everyone, loads up their cases with shoes and designer outfits and heads for New York to shop and gossip with obnoxious rich women, setting the scene for ‘Saw 6: Saw and the City’
7. Jigsaw gets shut down when his traps don’t meet health and safety standards (it’s a PC world gone mad!)
8. It’s revealed that Jigsaw is actually a computer program and that we could have stopped all of these Saw-quels if only someone had pressed the escape key, or held down the power button for 5 seconds, at the end of the first one.
9. The killer, whoever it turns out to be, is busted by the police and locked up with a wise old man who tells him to start up a prison library and to try to escape from prison to live on a nice beach somewhere, setting the scene for ‘The SawShank Redemption’
10. It turns out that there is another Jigsaw/Jigsaw isn’t dead/Jigsaw has a twin brother/Jigsaw has a malicious talking pet and that we’re all nicely set up for a sequel with as little fuss as possible.
Add your suggestions below… plus, tell us: are you going to see Saw 5?