It’s not long to go now folks. A few weeks and everything can return to normal. But a watched clock never chimes and so I’ve decided to come up with some distractions for you all to help those pre-Dark Knight days fly by in no time at all.
Here are the top 10 things to keep you busy until The Dark Knight comes out.
Pretend to be BatmanWith knife crime in the UK being something of a problem, perhaps you could try being a vigilante. More specifically, perhaps you could try being Batman. The Batsuit looks fairly stab-proof and you’d get to hide out in the shadows all night. This one does carry the potential risk of violent death, which wouldn’t be ideal for several reasons. Not least that you would miss The Dark Knight.
Make your own Batman filmCould be fun. Get some friends together, argue about who gets to be Batman and who gets to be the Joker. Just don’t post it on Youtube and then expect me to watch it. Because I won’t, I’m not in the least bit interested in your shitty home-made Batman movie.
Make fun of SupermanBecause Batman is cooler.
Fill everybody’s life with joy……by incessantly saying “dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna Batman! dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna Batman! dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna Batman!” Literally, do it over and over again. They’ll love that.
Make a collage out of pictures from magazinesYou could perhaps theme them, depending on what magazines you have lying around the house. Arts and crafts are a fun way to pass time. Plus, if your collage turns out well you can hang it on your wall or give to a friend or family member as a gift. I’ve found that generally most people are thrilled to receive a collage hand-made from magazine clippings.
Join a gymBut don’t actually go. Join, pay the monthly fee and promise yourself that you’ll start going next week. In my experience, the threat of having to go the gym will suddenly make you realise that there are a bunch of important things that you absolutely have to do. The days when I just can’t quite make it to the gym speed by in something of a blur.
Check out Doug Stanhope on YoutubeIgnore all of the shitty home-made Batman movies and stop desperately searching for porn that the viral video police have yet to take down. Get yourself on Youtube and check out stand-up comedian Doug Stanhope (although not at the office, some of the material is a little risqué). He’s also playing some London dates in September, so book tickets.
Surf the IMDB for quotesThey’re at the bottom of people’s trivia pages. Some of them suck. Some of them don’t. None of them are probably accurate. Here are a few of my favourites;
“They hire you and suddenly they don’t trust you. And you say ‘Well, why did you hire me?’ and they say ‘We can’t tell you’” – Rob Zombie on movie studios
“Organized crime in America takes in over $40 billion a year and spends very little on office supplies” – Woody Allen
“Pink isn’t just a color, it’s an attitude!” – Miley Ray Cyrus (aka Hannah Montana Ray Cyrus)
“I’m more than an actor. I’m an icon, an industry” – Corey Feldman; actor, icon and industry (in recession).
“Definitely. And I always do – I love me on-screen!” – Samuel L Jackson on watching his own movies.
“Britney Spears. Wow. She is amazing. She is 25-years-old and she’s already accomplished everything she’s going to accomplish in her life. It’s mind blowing.” – Sarah Silverman at the MTV awards.
Learn to channel your geek rageIf you’re always flapping your whine-hole about remakes then this one is for you. Your constant whinging is actually less original and less interesting than any remake could possibly be. There are things you can bitch about anonymously online that are more deserving of the anger you’re building up inside because you hate your life. Try sending hate-mail to the BNP. Leave a negative review of one of those wacky religious books on Amazon. Send 30 e-mails a day to Currys Digital asking them what makes them more digital than Dixons. Spend the next few weeks learning to do something productive with that anger. Then go see the Batman movie.
Hit the DoG archivesI recommend Confused Reviews; they’re delicious.
Come up with your own listThat’s what I’ve been doing.
Learn to countBecause this is the twelfth suggestion.
And if still none of those float your boat then try coming up with something yourself for once. What am I, here to solve all of your problems?
Thanks to RoadKillBuddha for letting us use his Batman pic!