The Sims 2: 29 new add-on packs they’ve not yet thought of

As The Sims now gets an Ikea pack add-on, we look at some of the other places they could take this bizarrely successful franchise...

You read that right. IKEA. In a computer game.

The latest add-on pack for The Sims juggernaut is, staggeringly, IKEA Home Stuff. In what’s supposed to be an entertainment product, you can now bring fake IKEA furniture into the midst of a computer game.

Gleefully celebrating this news was Rod Humble, who heads up The Sims Studio, no less. With no hint of irony, or the suffering of anyone who has tried to put an IKEA flat pack together (and we can’t wait to read the instruction book for the game), he said:“This new content will certainly contribute to the players’ ability to make their Sims’ dream home. The Sims 2 IKEA Home Stuff will expand creative opportunities and that is what The Sims is all about. Home is central to the experience of your Sims and with IKEA additions, it’s sure to be the most inviting place in the neighborhood.”

We’d hate his job.

Still, all this comes as no surprise, as The Sims sold out in many people’s eyes a long time ago. But to help them out, if they’re looking to crumble away any hint of remaining credibility, here are some suggestions as to where they could go next… 

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The Sims 2: Indiana Jones & The Crystal Skulls EditionThe first two thirds will be alright, with the bog standard graphics you’ve come to expect. Then it’ll drop into some weird special effects bonanza for no reason whatsoever, and quickly roll the end credits. Hmmm.

The Sims 2: Disney EditionThe same as the normal Sims, just without beards and homosexuality. And with a few songs every now and then, natch.

The Sims 2: Tesco/Walmart Edition (depending on where you live)You buy one copy, and before you know it, fresh copies pop up around your house at a rate of one a week, putting your old games out of work. The Sims 2: Alien EditionWe would actually pay to play this. Especially the chest-burster bit.

The Sims 2: Electric BoogalooIt’s not a game, it just sounds good. The Sims 2: Nighttime In A PowercutThe graphics for this one aren’t very good. It’s also the best way to enjoy the game.

John Woo’s Sims 2It’s vacuous, and drops into slow motion every two minutes, but it looks the business. The foreign language versions are also better.

The Sims 2: Sky News EditionIt just picks the most exciting things to happen in the Sims house over a 24 hour period, and cuts them into a 5 minute digest that plays on loop for the next day.The Sims 2: Fox News EditionIt just picks the most exciting things to happen in the Sims house over a 24 hour period, and cuts them into a 5 minute digest that plays on loop for the next day. And if you object, it shouts at you for ten minutes and calls you unpatriotic.

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The Sims 2: Primark StuffWe’ve no idea what’ll be in this one, but we know it’ll cost 70% less than every other Sims add-on on the planet. The Sims 2: 24 EditionThis one’s only worth playing at three minutes to the hour.

The Sims 2: Argos StuffYou load the game up, sit back, ready to play, only the damn thing won’t start for another 40 minutes, after you’ve asked it to twice. The Sims 2: Modern Music Celebrity EditionYour Sims all start off massively successful and then must self destruct in the most public fashion imaginable. Extra points are awarded for self abuse and having relatives incarcerated.

The Sims 2: Metal Gear Solid EditionYou just sit and watch it for an hour and a half. It is no fun.

The Sims 2: Next EditionIn a testament to the Next sale, this add-on will only be of use to you if you play it at 5 in the morning, after queuing up for a couple of hours.

The Sims 2: Modern Teenager EditionYou try to interact with it, but it’s too busy on its mobile phone.

The Sims 2: Facebook EditionThere’s only one Sim who sits in the house in this version. But it’s okay, but they have 382492 friends really…

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The Sims 2: In The Night Garden EditionWhere nobody has a bloody clue what’s going on.

The Sims 2: Twitter EditionThe Sims SMS you every five seconds to tell you that they’re bored, and the wallpaper is green.

The Sims 2: Apple EditionThe box looks nicer, but it ultimately has a higher retail price for something that does the same thing.

The Sims 2: Legal Music Downloads EditionThis version will only ever work on one computer. And that’s if you ask it nicely.

The Sims 2: PC World EditionWhere your Sim can get acne and try to sell things he doesn’t understand.

The Sims 2: Gordon Brown EditionYou are given 10 years to build your Sim world built on solid fiscal control, and then two years to entirely trash it to bankruptcy.The Sims 2: Hillary Clinton EditionYou spend $110m on your copy, and then have to give it away to someone else just before you plan to load it up.The Sims 2: Risk ManagementA special feature allows you to click on each sim and get an update on their statistical chance of dying from a terminal illness based on their lifestyle. Ideal for Daily Mail readers, too.

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The Sims 2: Politicians’ Second Home EditionComes with unlimited public money to add any new equipment or features you want – including a garden Pagoda

The Sims 2: Boris Johnson EditionIt was in the box when they sent it. Wasn’t it?

The Sims 2: Heather Mills EditionSadly, you only have a measly £25m to work with in this version. 

The Sims 2: British Government EditionIn this version of Sims you can’t actually make your Sims do anything, but you’re allowed to legislate to make it illegal for them to do anything you don’t like.

Add your own suggestions in the Comments field!