The Nintendo Wii: is it, actually, rubbish?

Everybody seems to want a Nintendo Wii. But are they all in for a disappointment?

You might not be so smug when you play it...

Unless you’ve had your head buried in the sand you’ll have noticed you can’t buy a Wii for money, blood or spare kidneys at the moment. Nintendo is pumping the motion sensor consoles out at several million a month, but it’s still not enough come Christmas time. Given that this has happened with every console since the dawn of time (or before they started costing £450 on release, anyway), you’d think parents would have cottoned on to this seasonal shortage by now. I’ve had mine for a while now, but Super Mario Galaxy aside, the ongoing drought of good games has begun to make me wonder: Why does everyone actually want to buy a Wii?

There are fewer than five A grade titles on the platform still, with the rest of the catalogue being made up of bad movie adaptations. There’s a fair bit to look forward to (Smash Bros, Mario Kart), and Virtual Console rocks if you didn’t own the games available in a past life, but little to get excited about on the 25th otherwise. Here’s my three main gripes with the Wii, in ascending order.   3. Zelda: Twilight PrincessWhat? How did this get such good reviews on release? Wait, I know why. It’s because everyone thought they were playing Ocarina of Time.

It’s exactly the same. You can morph into something else at the touch of a button and you go through temples again in exactly the same way, finding some useful tool to help you get through the next one. Oh, and (not a major spoiler unless you’re stupid) Link plays a spot of fireball tennis with Gannondorf in the final boss battle, before he turns into a crazy monster pig yet again. Where’s the imagination that Link’s Gamecube and DS outings show? Maybe next time Nintendo should bother to come up with a storyline, and one that doesn’t involve a big bad boss kidnapping the princess yet again. 2. Wii SportsWhat on earth is the fuss about? The mini games are incredibly simplistic – the point, I know, – but they have the longevity of a daddy-long-legs. ALL of these games are on Monkey Ball 2 on the Gamecube, just as easy to pick up, and much more fun (and it has the insanely addictive Monkey Target too). And no amount of Ian Wright, who I have decided is the new Kriss Akabussi in terms of annoying sportsmen turned TV presenters, bonding with his son in their mansion is going to change that. It’s hardly exercise either since you can play most of them sitting down still. 1. The Bloody Wii-moteControversial – I can see all the comments now telling me to feck off and buy a PS3, but bear with me. Yes, it is easy to use and works well with the nunchuk, even when there isn’t any shaking going on. But the problem is that it makes games developers lazy.

Instead of coming up with innovative uses for it they just assign regular functions to it in the hope that players will be won over by the novelty value. But wiggling your hand to open a door in a game doesn’t make door opening more interesting. I’d rather just press a button instead. All we want is to be able to control a lightsaber with it properly. And when Lego Star Wars came out this month, could you? Nope.

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You’ve been warned, Ninty.