Pez Movie in the Works. We Give Up.

Hollywood has clearly given up, so we may as well call it a day, right?

The Lego Movie was (this is unavoidable) awesome. The fact that The Lego Movie has now given Hollywood the bright idea that every half-assed inanimate object (special note: there is an Emojis movie in the works) somehow deserves to be made into a movie with a nine figure budget is considerably less so.

Envision Media Arts is supposedly going to make a movie based on Pez. Do you know what Pez is? It’s candy that looks like the kind of pill that causes ecstatic hallucinations and tastes like a mixture of soap and chalk. The best thing about Pez is the distinctive spring-loaded dispensers, which often feature familiar characters. You tilt the heads back and it dispenses an inedible candy from its “neck.” 

Cameron Fay will write the screenplay. Lee Nelson and David Buelow will produce. 

“Pez candy is beloved by children and adults alike. With Cameron Fay we’ve created a world unique to Pez and a story that will touch the hearts of many,” EMA CEO and founder Lee Nelson said in a statement, presumably with a straight face.

Ad – content continues below

I realize that there is tremendous nostalgia appeal about things like Pez Dispensers (I’ve had a Spider-Man Pez dispenser or two in my life), but this doesn’t sound like a property that could support a 22 minute Saturday morning cartoon in 1984, let alone a 90 minute movie in 2016 or whenever these sadists are going to foist this on us.

Then again, I probably snorted derisively at The Lego Movie when it was first announced, too. But really, this is too much. Then again, you have to get paid. After all, why else would we run this article?

On the other hand, there’s a very cool and weird Pez Museum in California that deserves a visit if you’re ever in the neighborhood.

Source: Variety