Alice Cooper Wants to Be Elected

Donald Trump ain’t the only Billion Dollar Baby running for DC main man.

When it comes to presidents, kids want a savior. They don’t need a fake. They want a Yankee doodle dandy in a gold Rolls Royce and they want someone who can make a third party a Wild Party riding the country. Alice Cooper has spent countless nights on the road. Alice Cooper and Hollywood Vampire shows have been featuring Marilyn Manson, who just opened a barber shop on Salem, guest singing the anthem “I’m Eighteen,” which celebrates the voting eligibility age. Who should get that first vote? Someone who already plays golf once a day.

“Why NOT me? I have t shirts to sell,” asked Alice Cooper, while announcing his presidential candidacy. These “troubled times” call for a “troubled mind.” They call for Alice Cooper.

No more Mr. Nice Guy. Voters want a candidate who understands that everybody has problems and can say without hesitation, “Personally, I don’t care.”

Alice Cooper is asking his fellow Americans, and all those around the world, who are disillusioned with their leaders, to join “The Wild Party.”

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Cooper announced his platform on CNN:

1. Getting Brian Johnson back in AC/DC

2. A snake in every pot

3. No more pencils, no more books

4. Adding Lemmy to Mt Rushmore

5. Rename Big Ben “Big Lemmy”

6. Groucho Marx on the $50 bill

7. Peter Sellers on the £20 note

8. Cupholders required for every airplane seat

9. Ban on talking during movies in movie theatres

10. Ban on taking selfies, except on a designated National Selfie Day

Alice Cooper is tired of the rhetoric, the mudslinging and the media frenzy and plans to channel every ounce of energy keeping his snake in his cage and his guillotine in storage to put people before career. 

Alice spent many troubled hours “worrying about the course of our great nations” according to a recent press release. He’s not afraid of controversy or springing into action. Cooper rattled cages and undermined the authority of generations of guardians of the status quo, continuing to surprise fans and exude danger at every turn, like a great horror movie, even in an era where 24 hour cable news can present real life shocking images. 

Cooper is pulling out his classic 1972 hit “Elected” as an anthem for modern times. Cooper’s syndicated radio show “Nights With Alice Cooper” has always strived towards solving the world’s problems. He is tackling the everyday concerns discussed among his fellow woman and man – the ordinary, decent hard working (and rocking) people he meets and entertains every day while performing nearly 100 concerts a year around the world.

But it’s not all about debonair good looks and long flowing locks. Cooper pioneered a grandly theatrical brand of hard rock drawing equally from horror movies, vaudeville, and garage rock. With his influence on rock & roll long since acknowledged, his place in rock history and the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame secure, and his multiple gold & platinum albums, sold-out tours plus countless honors and career achievement awards, there is little that Alice Cooper hasn’t achieved in his remarkable career. Why not run for president?

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