Alamo Drafthouse to Have ‘Clowns-Only’ It Screening, No One’s Protesting Yet

After a women-only event, Alamo Drafthouse will now have a clown-only screening of It. We wait breathlessly for the same whiners to start.

Alamo Drafthouse is becoming a high-end cinematic experience for discerning moviegoers. In addition to being served alcoholic beverages and/or food during your screening, their zero tolerance policy for talking and texting during their presentations should be a relief for all… as was that one time they did a women-only screening for Wonder Woman. Yet somehow that became national news when some particularly precious people dug in and drew a line in the sand in outrage—outrage, good sirs!—over the idea that there could be a screening to an easily accessible film that they were not invited to! Surely, this is an umbrage to a gentleman’s honor!

Well, it looks like Alamo Drafthouse isn’t losing its sense of humor and is ready to clown these delicate souls again with a clowns-only screening of Sony Pictures’ It next month. There has been no social media outcry or picketing in the streets… yet.

This politically daring act of socialism will occur on the day after It’s Sept. 8 premiere at an Austin, Texas location of Alamo Drafthouse. There, only attendees who show up dressed like clowns will be permitted to attend the showing. However, the fun and games may last through the night with a “Barrel O’Fun” pre-party that includes a finger paint station for “touch ups,” as well as a photo booth and prizes. We imagine that they’ll even be able to float while they’re there, because everything floats down there! (Or at least their milk shakes will…)

We’ll keep you posted if all these strict Constitutionalists who sought to defend their rights will be crashing screenings like that one bloke in New York who pretended to be a big damn American hero, or trying to take a movie theater to court.

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Truly these patriots must feel under siege between Pennywise the Clown teaming with Princess Diana of Themyscira in one direction, and Robert E. Lee statues coming down in the other. Maybe someone should give them a balloon?

We’ll keep an eye on this saga of their harrowing plight as it develops.

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