What to do with Mary Jane Watson?

The less said about One More Day, the better. Not to spoil it for anyone who's not read it yet, but - it doesn't end well. Ron has some actual good ideas for MJ's next move

Mary Jane in crosshair

I think we’ve all resigned ourselves to the fact that, unless things change drastically right now in the Spider-man universe, Mary Jane Watson is well on her way to becoming the first ex-Mrs. Parker. By ex-Mrs. Parker, of course, I mean she’s going to die horribly, because it wouldn’t do for the only semi-normal character in the Marvel Universe to have something normal happen, like a divorce, when it’s easier and less fantasy-killing to just have someone drop a safe on the troublesome female.

I, for one, think that writing MJ out of Spidey’s life in as stupid a manner as Peter making a deal with Mephisto to save his 80-something aunt is just, quite frankly, really fucking stupid, considering every geek loves the hell out of comic book Mary Jane Watson, and a multitude of geeks are up in arms about this betrayal of our favorite comic book couple.

These are geeks who, as Sarah put it in her open letter to Joe Quesada, are emotionally invested in Pete and MJ’s relationship because, “[T]he geek got the girl – the beautiful, intelligent, fun girl – and they managed to stay together, through thick and thin, because they love one another.” If people didn’t love MJ so much, nobody would complain about Kirsten Dunst’s horse face ruining MJ in the Spider-man films.

So, I have an idea that’s really a long time in coming. There are so many different versions of Spider-man, so why can’t we have a second version of a comic book starring Mary Jane Watson? Sure there’s the cute and girly book about MJ, but your average comic book fan isn’t going to pick that book up, and my idea will be a book that will sell respectably in mainstream comic circles.

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Mary Jane Watson: Agent of SHIELD.

Think about it. She’s completely normal, aside from being beautiful and too smart for her own good. She’s perfect raw material for Nick Fury to mold into a secret agent.

Spider-man is worried that his normal wife is super villain bait; this will address that fear, since I’m sure SHIELD can give her some bionic limbs or a super-strong skeleton or laser eyes or something of that ilk. Considering that MJ has been able to take care of herself reasonably well until now (even foiling villains on occasion), I think that with the proper training and a little government technology, a certain little redhead could make a great killing machine.

Women, especially powerful women, have never been more lucrative. From Battlestar Galactica to the remake of The Bionic Woman, from the departed Alias to the upcoming Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, ass-kicking women are invading the geekdom left and right. Why not MJ?

This gets her out of Spider-man’s universe for awhile; taps into that potent heroine market out there; makes more sense than involving Screwtape, Mephisto, or any other lesser demon in Hell’s hierarchy; and gives illustrators ample chances to draw MJ in tight leather catsuits, slinking about on wires and doing secret agent things. It’s a win-win for all characters involved (even a limited arc of MJ would do, until the writers cave and put MJ and Pete back together, which they will). If you’re going to get rid of her, at least give her a little respect. She deserves better than this.

Ron Hogan considers Mary Jane the most beautiful woman in comic books, followed closely by Phoenix (Scott and Jean Grey’s transdimentional daughter who also happens to be a redhead). Find more by Ron at his blog, Subtle Bluntness, and daily at Shaktronics.

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