As a huge fan of the series, I was personally excited to catch the news that Thunderbirds is coming back after a brief fifty year interlude. Frankly, anything to erase the horrific 2004 movie where director Jonathan Frakes turned all my childhood dreams into celluloid nightmares, would be appreciated.
It’s not a total homage to the old series I’m looking for, just something without Vanessa Hudgens mugging the camera, and with plenty of visual spectacle. But, whatever happens in each story, everything must blow up at the end, it’s the law.
Here are ten other things that need to be in the new series for it to earn a Geek FAB from this site:
1. Fireflash
OK, strictly not a Thunderbirds vehicle, but very cool all the same. It appeared in the very first Thunderbirds story, Trapped in the Sky, plus a few other later stories, and was almost as slick a design as the Concorde, from which it drew some inspiration. Fireflash is Concorde XXL.
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2. Shane Rimmer
This Canadian actor was the voice of Scott, and that laconic drawl is required in new Thunderbirds somewhere. Hey, if Christopher Nolan can get him to say “we’re right on top of the main hub, and it’s going to blow” in Batman Begins (2005), then surely they can put him in the new Thunderbirds?
3. A Pink Rolls-Royce
It might seem to glue this concept to the sixties, but the 2004 film had Lady Penelope in a really fugly Ford. We don’t want a Bentley, a Jaguar, a Maybach or even a Dacia Sandero. It’s got to be a Rolls, and it must be pink.
4. The Mole
This wonderful device came out of Pod 5 in Pit of Peril, and burrowed its way to a trapped crew of the US Army walker ‘Sidewinder’. It must be bright yellow, and with CGI they won’t need to play the film backwards to have it reverse out of the ground onto its trolley.
5. Grandma Tracy
Fewer kids, more old folks, that’s what I’m advocating! An early forerunner of Victor Meldrew, Grandma Tracy is ready to put anyone in their place, including the evil Hood.
6. Parker
Not the soft squishy Parker they put in the movie, no. What’s needed is the one from the original series who’d done time behind bars for safe-cracking, making him a much more layered character. This time voiced by Ray Winstone, perhaps.
7. Barry Gray-inspired music
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Unfortunately Barry passed away back in 1984, but if Michael Giacchino, the composer behind Pixar’s The Incredibles, can do a passable imitation of John Barry, then surely someone can deliver something approaching the Barry Gray treatment here.
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8. Adjustable Palm trees
Thunderbird 2 is so spectacular, it can’t just take-off without the Palm trees moving, can it? Mobile trees, transportable furniture and surprisingly spritely swimming pools all need to be there. Things in Thunderbirds move, even when traditionally they’re immovable.
9. Glowing eyes
The pictures on the walls have glowing eyes, and even some of the characters, it’s a certainty. If the eyes don’t glow, how will we know they’re alive, or busy?
10. Real hands
It doesn’t matter how the series is made as long as the close-up shots of hands are real, and obviously shot in a studio. And, as per the original series, all characters should only have four teeth. It’s a good job they’re not going live-action, as we’d imagine that clause would put a few less-than dedicated actors off.
Rejected out of hand: Baby crocodiles shot in super close-up to make them seem huge, Supermarionation, a ‘Phones’ from Stingray co-pilot exchange, Thunderbird 6, Rick O’Shea, Hover Bikes (borrowed from Fireball XL5) and the ‘humorous ending’ music.
