Geeks Vs Loneliness: feeling not good enough

Welcome to Geeks Vs Loneliness, our regular spot on the site where we chat about stuff that may be affecting you, or people you know. Not every piece we write is applicable to every person, but our hope is that over the course of the series of pieces we’ve run, there’s something that’s of use to you. Here’s hoping.

This week, we want to have a quick natter about simply not feeling good enough.

It’s a tough one, this. About the kind of feelings that undercut a lot of what we do on a day to day basis. The feeling that, as a human being, you’re simply not good enough at stuff. Not good enough for people. Not good enough at work. Just not good enough.

It might be because of the feeling of pressure from those around you, impossible standards you set yourself, or maybe you screwed up at something. We’d wager there’s not a human being on the planet who hasn’t had these feelings, but that’s not an awful lot of comfort when you’re in the grip of them.

For it’s a feeling that has a habit of growing. Something that can go from one day not feeling good enough, to two days, a week, a month and beyond. The kind of feeling that can leave you feeling without worth, or talk you out of even trying.

It’s also a tricky cycle to break once you’ve in it. But hopefully, there’s a tip or two in here that might be of use.

The first is the logical one. To keep trying. To not give up. It’s also in many cases the hardest one. But perhaps go in search of small things that you can do, to gradually rebuild your confidence? Instead of tackling the most difficult thing on your list, try a few of the easier bits and see if that helps.

If possible, take a turn. If you’re staring at a screen and trying to get something done, but it’s just not coming, go for a walk. Do something different. Break the cycle a little. Try to avoid just doing more of the same, because we suspect you’ll find things tougher to resolve.

If something has gone wrong, then find some way to reconcile with that. Things go wrong for every people in life every day. We don’t see them, but very few people get into bed at the end of a day and proclaim it a perfect one. The reason we remember ‘perfect’ days is because they’re so rare. If you can, accept something went wrong. Then get up again tomorrow and start again.

Finally, try and talk to someone you trust. Or just talk to someone, and try not to internalise your feelings. Even comments on a messageboard like the one below.

It’s a horrible feeling, and a horrible one to shake. But it can be beaten. Lots of small things, though, tend to be more effective than one big one.

You all stay brilliant, and thank you, as always, for reading.