Revolution episode 9 review: Kashmir

Review Billy Grifter 22 Nov 2012 - 07:51

Putting it mildly, Billy is unimpressed with this week's offering from Revolution...

This review contains spoilers.

1.9 Kashmir

I can handle a little distraction and misdirection, it makes a story a little more interesting when it gets to a narrative crossroads. Except that's not what Revolution does. What the writers of this show do is to present the viewer with something obviously stupid, and then convince themselves that nobody cares enough to notice.

The basic premise of Kashmir is ridiculous, which is that Miles decides the only way to get inside the Mickey Mouse Club Philadelphia compound is to use the unused subway tunnels. And, once in there they discover that they're trapped and running out of oxygen!

But before we get to that, we've already had our first head-slapping scene, where Charlie steps on a mine. Well for starters, she steps on an anti-tank mine, which presumably means she's been packing on the pounds recently, but this is all really a devilish scheme to let her do 'the face'. That unique expression that only Tracy Spiridakos can do that's a previously undefined new emotion, which I'll name 'inspiridakos' in her honour.

Apparently the writers think you can jam a landmine using a penknife (really?), and that this will give you a short break to escape them. Ignoring that anti-personnel mines generally don't go off immediately (they like to delay so they get the person behind you too), and they're electronically fired, and the shock wave in a tunnel would have a much bigger killing zone that you couldn't run from, what really annoyed me was how all the other main characters stood around her while Nora tried to disable the mine. And, then they all ran together! Only complete cretins would do that, irrespective of wanting to provide moral support to Charlie, transfixed in 'inspiridakos'.

That explosion causes a rockfall, which seals them in, and the air is running out and they start hallucinating! This takes the biscuit for the dumbest idea that Revolution has ever presented, because the subway tunnels they're in are huge, containing millions of cubic metres of air, which it would take months for them to breath to the point that the oxygen level dropped markedly. And, actually they'd have an issue with the carbon monoxide build-up first, and the writers also confused oxygen hypoxia with nitrogen narcosis, which makes you hallucinate. Statistically, the torches would go out long before people passed out, and if confronted with a real scenario, surely you wouldn't burn multiple torches to consume your remaining air? 

In almost every aspect this is monumentally dumb, and relentlessly so.

As if our intelligence hasn't been insulted enough, we then got the first attempt at an explanation as to how the pendants work from Rachel. She reveals they have a range of about ten feet, which entirely contradicts the previous scene in the lighthouse. Yes, the generator for the lighthouse was possibly ten feet from Aaron, but the light itself was a lot further away! It still doesn't explain how our hearts don't stop or our nervous system functions, and clearly 'Bass' isn't smart enough to ask such a blindingly obvious question.

If this all wasn't bad enough, they then decided to use Led Zeppelin music over the dream sequences like it might give them some credibility, which it didn't. That's another demographic they've stuck a finger up to.

Each week I review this I'm entirely convinced that Revolution can't get any worse, that I've seen the worst acting, heard the most abysmal dialogue and see the most ill-conceived plot. Yet with each new episode it manages to get beneath previous low points, like the writers have a bet just how moronic they can make it, and people will still watch. This is either a satirical comedy the subtlety of which is entirely lost on me, or the worst TV show I've ever had the misfortune to review.

Next week's incomprehensible mess is called Nobody's Fault But Mine, which is how I'm currently explaining how I ended up volunteering to cover this TV abomination.

Read Billy's review of the previous episode, Ties That Bind, here.

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