Eastenders episode 4,829 review

Review Louisa Mellor 1 Apr 2014 - 06:00

In Den Of Geek's first ever Eastenders review, Danny Dyer delves into a mysterious encounter...

This review contains spoilers.

As the last, elegiac whistle of title music faded away, the theme of this episode, reflection, was quickly established. Director John Howlett’s camera panned up an ablutions-performing Danny Dyer through a glass shower panel, his features - like his troubled soul - warped and rippling, while in the distance a police siren wailed its solitary song. Dyer confronted his bruised reflection in the bathroom mirror with questioning, narrowed eyes. “I’m in untold torment”, they seemed to say, “and no mistake”.

After an ebullient family breakfast in which Shirley asserted her position as Carter family matriarch by symbolically insulting her sister’s eggs, Dyer carried his burden first to the dart board, then to the the car lot.

Safe behind the half-closed blinds of Max Branning’s Portakabin - a place where the filing cabinets hum with masculine secrets - Mick Carter sought psychological solace. He suspected his recently cast son of having done a runner from the army but wasn’t able to bell him up because they wouldn’t let him have a blower. Dyer almost wore a hole in his waistcoat with the pathos of Mick's predicament.

Investigate further, Max advised him, but don’t tell the missus. Luckily for Mick, said missus was preoccupied by the challenge of dressing as a one-woman Grease revival to spend much time pondering her husband’s state of mind. Alternately appearing in the episode as Sandra Dee, Rizzo, Frenchy, and at one point, all three simultaneously, Linda Carter barely noticed her husband was sicklied over with the pale cast of thought. It was Shirley, with the potent line “There’s something you’re not telling me”, who appeared to have guessed there was something Mick wasn’t telling her.

The Carters, who’d begun episode 4,829 bonded by the fry-up-based glue of family unity, had been rent apart by the end of the half-hour. The agent of their fracture was Timothy West as Stan Carter, reviled father of Shirley, Mick and Teen (the latter named after the age you have to stop wearing your hair in bunches unless you want to look like a series one Big Brother auditionee). Just moments before Stan was wheeled into the Queen Vic, Mick had expressly stated his intention never to let his father anywhere near his family, and there Stan was, in fairly close proximity to them. As Alanis Morrissette might say, that’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

From one lascivious pig to another, over at The Albert, Sharon was working herself into a lather about new tight-jeaned mixologist, Curtis. Following the Walford tradition of everybody being ninety percent more excited about Johnny’s love life than Johnny, Sharon’s eyes bulged like a pug in a decompressed air-lock at the thought of her young employees going at it next to the £9.50 Daiquiris. The scene’s wry commentary on heteronormative appropriation of queer culture was not lost on this reviewer.

Elsewhere in the Square, Denise and Shabnam were gently fingering the multipack pitta breads and plotting at cross purposes. A dinner party was planned both to lure Jane - a vision in George at Asda - away from and towards Ian Beale. Discussing menu ideas, Teen asked Denise where she was going to get a goat in Walford, a powerful eulogy to the lost pastoralism of the East End that went poignantly unanswered.

Meanwhile, Walford’s very own line of Bratz Dolls, Whitney, Lucy, Lola and Lauren, were planning a night out in Shoreditch, while Carol Branning soldiered bravely and affectingly through her cancer treatment.

Overall the episode had emotion, intrigue, plenty of shots of characters staring contemplatively into the middle distance, and Danny Dyer. What more could anyone ask for?

Join us again tomorrow, as the Square gathers to celebrate Sharon’s big opening.

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Damon Lindelof has been hired as a scriptwriter.

Excellent article, I hadn't realised that Eastenders had become so influenced by the works of such luminaries such as Cocteau, Von Trier and Ratner.

Last time I saw it (in 1987 I believe) it appeared to be some sort of pantomime with terrible diction throughout.

I shall make a point of watching it again, I take it that it is showing on BBC4?

Nice try Den of Geek, but this is just sloppy! Where are the other 4,828 reviews!?

Great review. Now we want an analysis of where Easties stands in the "continuing drama" multiverse. To get you started, Easties characters have mentioned watching particular episodes of Coronation Street but not vice versa, as far as I know.....

Are you sure it was a Portakabin and not just a portable cabin? Portakabin don't like it when you take their name in vain.

But no one would be stupid enough to put a treasured cultural phenomenon in the hands of......

I expect James will be getting to those, once he's finished revisiting Star Trek TNG.

I look forward to your review of the Tao of Fatboy with great anticipation.

Not a patch on episodes 3742 or 4127, but definitely a huge step up from 2784.

Your eloquent insights into one of my favourite shows, has opened my eyes to the brilliance of the performance of that shining light of tortured-souled masculinity, that is The Dyer. In fact, I shall now only refer to him as such, in homage. Thank you for your sagacious erudition of this wonderful show Den of Geek, I look forward to your subsequent reviews.

Wasn't until half way through reading with my mouth open that i realised the date. Fools......bloody well written review though.

I haven't seen the first 4828 episodes. Has anyone got a box set I can borrow?

They're all on Netflix. I binged them in about a week.

I think DoG should continue reviewing EE as it's so so funny..I watch it while making dinner and constantly poke fun of writers, directors, actors and characters alike..great fun

ah yes, Deadeanders... The title music's my cue to take the dog for a walk (not a euphemism!)

Oh great, here we go.

No sooner do we get an EastEnders review then, like clockwork, the 3742/4127 fanbois are out in force.

Honestly, you're like a broken record, they were just average, and your out of order dig at 2874 confirms the massive and tired anti 2800s bias you all preach. Change the tune!

The camera TILTED-UP - not PANNED-UP. A pan is camera (not dolly) movement on the horizontal axis; a 'tilt' is camera movement on the vertical. That's why a camera 'head' is referred to as a 'pan & tilt head'. There, that's my 'industry-insider pet-hate' rant out of the way.

I can't believe I missed this... *sad face*

Anyone know if it will be repeated?

People can have different opinions right? 3724 was Shakespearean in concept, and while 4126 was perhaps underwritten, the performances were outstanding. I know you probably prefer the humour of 2377, but that says more about you than me.

I do have a boxset and the wife would love to get it out the house as the freight container its stored in currently occupies our spare room. However I've got to admit the betamax to dvd transfer of volumes 1-3 is pretty sloppy, However this improves with the vhs to dvd transfers from volume 4 onwards.

I really just wish they'd give the rights back to Marvel. Ian Beale doesn't look anything like his comic counterpart and Dot hasn't used her exploding vagina once in all these years.

Oh great, another April Fools' joke! I missed the episode but I know for a fact that there are plenty of goats in Walford, so there is no way Teen asked that of Denise. Nice try, Den of Geek, didn't fool me!

Duff duff duff duff duff duff-a-duff...

I think they need to reboot the universe entirely, the continuity is so out of whack now it is past saving without some kind of 'Crisis on Infinite Albert Squares' type arc.

I'm getting sick of the way Den of Geek calls itself a "geek" site yet it reviews mainstream trash like Eastenders while totally ignoring true geek soaps like Emmerdale or Holby City. I will not be coming back.

This thread really made me laugh!

Well now, there's an image.

No love for the 1500s?

There was that one Christmas episode...

Yeah, they should just bring in Phil Mitchell Prime to punch a hole in reality and reset the whole thing.

Isn't Phil Mitchell Prime's real name Michael Chiklis?

No, Michael Chilkis was one of the fake Phil Mitchells from the Reign of the Phils arc, after the original Phil Mitchell was killed by Evil Wellard.

you can't argue with the 1500, 1531 was a classic and the bold direction it took to 1569 was just possibly the most astounding television that ever was place on television. Shame 1590-1599 sort of botched the whole gig, but still a classic set of episodes, make no mistake.

well that's an image that's going to haunt my nightmares. Mr Grundy I'm sending you my therapist bill.

oh man I remember that storyline like it was yesterday. Some great moments but the it was always the subtlety of the performances that drew you in, you real believed that they were never going to find the real Phil Mitchell.

Holby City jumped the shark years ago. Don't be bringing that stuff up now, people only watch that and try to remember what it once was.

I actual have a soft spot for the 1593-1598 run, that whole arc was mental - I respected them for just saying "sod it" and chucking everything at the wall, continuity be damned. But yeah, the less said about 1599 the better.

No, DoG has to spread the love and do Corrie first, the soap with characters who KNOW they are in a soap, well cosmic!

I did like how they did that arc when an alternative version of Dirty Den that wasn't killed by plant monsters invaded Albert Square and then got killed by an inanimate dog.

completely agree ha

everyone who has commented, i love you. and i wouldn't mind seeing this sort of thing becoming a regular feature, but i think you could get a lot more material out of hollyoaks.

I saw the first episode of this Doctor Who spin-off in 1993, didn't much care for it, haven't watched it again

I thought someone lost a bet and it's reviewing something they never do, i.e. 1D movie all over again.

It should certainly be entertaining if today's newspapers are to be believed about his suspension from the soap.

No Cardassians this week????

Really? It made me angry because everyone knows Eastenders jumped the shark in the mid 1400s


2784? That's Numberwang!

I always celebrate Sharon's big opening.

I am sorry. Truly. But it had to be said.

yeah, whatevs.

I don't want to think about Sharon's big opening, thanks,

it's not Danny Dyer, it should be tagged Malcolm Smith!


I disagree. Moffat's run from the mid 2300s were ok. A bit exposition heavy, but the reveal that Dirty Den travelled back in time and shot himself? Brilliant! And as for the fact that Pat Butcher was Slitheen. Wow!

April 1st, you got me ! I only watch soaps with space ships in them. Haven't heard of a ufo landing in Albert Square so will continue to give the show a miss. Although some of the acting is robotic, it's still not scifi.

Apparently, in the next episode whilst everyone is round the front enjoying Sharon's big opening, someone is going to go round and kick her back door in!! I suspect it's Max Branning but we will have to wait and see.

Don't give me your 4126 crap, we both know you want me to have that abortion.

Does anyone else think that "Pan and tilt head" sounds like a particularly tricky type of fellatio? No? Just me then...

The majesty of the Dyer is irrefutable. An almost imperceptible flick back of the head with the mirthless smile, shuffling from on foot to the other as he delivers the soliloquy that echoes though the annals of television history...
Phil can only manage an asthmatic wheeze in reply.

How about this; Game of Thrones: Eastenders edition.

They could do it for Comic Relief, half the cast could be wiped-out in the first ten minutes...

Look, Corkers, didn't get started on your episode 4126 sh*t again!

It's really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there's no danger involved

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