The Den Of Geek Doctor Who Christmas gift guide

Odd List Den Of Geek
18 Dec 2013 - 07:00

We take a look at what to put in the stockings of Doctor Who and Sherlock fans this Christmas...

Obviously we have the latest instalment of the Moffat Christmas Carol to look forward to later this month, as Matt Smith bows out in a flurry of elbows and hairpieces, but Doctor Who doesn't have to stop there. You can artificially extend the experience by virtue of Doctor Who-themed presents.

While you can, of course, give someone the gift of a Wirrrn/Zoe Heriot costume just by giving them a roll of bubble wrap, we all know it's the thought that counts*, and the above thought is weird. If, like us, your brain is currently an addled mass of future tears, you might appreciate some help in assembling your thoughts into something constructive. God knows I would, but he's all busy with his son's birthday. Nonetheless, we've gone and done you a list of presents for the Doctor Who fan in your life. If you don't have a Doctor Who fan in your life, firstly I don't believe you; secondly, you should get one; and thirdly: why on earth are you reading this?

Also, before everyone in the comments section asks why we haven't included it, the Bandril Ambassador/Ferrero Rocher gift set is out of stock everywhere again. We'll all just have to cope without it for another Christmas.

*Well, the Master doesn't, otherwise he would've seen the end of The Last of the Time Lords coming.


1. Stocking filler

Sure, you could plump for the 50th Anniversary Wristband (high quality jelly, a 'perfect gift for any fan') or you could buy the Doctor Who sound effects key fob. It has the obvious sounds, such as the TARDIS engines, Sonic Screwdriver noise and 'Exterminate!' sit along less obvious ones such as 'Cybermen marching', 'K9' (yep, tantalisingly vague), and the long awaited 'Judoon Gun' sound effect that we all know and love.


2. For the hardcore nationalist in your life

If you have a patriotic friend who you struggle to buy gifts for this straddles the boundary between being a good gift and subtle mockery. Because nothing says 'Let's celebrate Britain' than decking the most totally evil race in the universe in the Union Flag. Firstly, if Scotland votes for independence then the flag will be out of date within a few years; secondly, I'm not sure if having your country's flag is bedecking a cyborg Nazi allegory is a good thing to celebrate; thirdly if we'd somehow managed to convince the Daleks to fight on our side then the entire atlas would still be pink, and so the sight of this will reduce the most ferocious jingoist to tears. See if you can get them to scream 'We are the supreme beings' during the final bars of 'God Save the Queen'.


3. Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without a massive fight over a board game

If this comes into stock in time, I can picture it being a popular item. Families playing Trivial Pursuit is a recipe for outrage at the best of times, so throwing Doctor Who question pack into the mix should produce at least one instance of a player sulkily insisting that the cards are wrong in every game. Still, you need your Doctor Who quiz fix in some form, and Den of Geek can't hold one every week. Blogtor Who's liver couldn't take it for one thing.


5. What do you buy for the man who has everything?

Why, you buy them an inanimate object of course. Or you buy it for yourself and then hide it in places full of people who haven't seen The Power of Three just to see what their reaction is.


6. What do you buy for the child that you secretly don't like?

The Eleventh Doctor! Supporting characters from Toy Story! Kids love both of those things! Let's combine them somehow into some sort of MULTI-BROWNED NIGHTMARE.


7. Now you too can dine in the style of Jacqueline Hill

The Doctor Who Cookbook is only available second hand, and so prices may vary, but it remains the only place that the stars and production staff of the show have compiled their favourite recipes in one place. Where else can you learn the secret of Paul Conrad's 'Romulus Apricot Chicken', Michael Gough's 'Paradisical Peacock' or William and Heather Hartnell's 'Special Chocolate Chumblies'?

An unauthorised fan-made cookbook Dining with the Doctor is also available, but its cover doesn't feature a Dalek in a pinny or a Yeti wearing a chef's hat while standing on K9.


8. What in the name of sanity have you got on your head?

Celebrate the Eleventh Doctor's existence with this fez and bow-tie combo, shortly before taking the fez off as a mark of respect.


9. Endorsed by the Government

You could, of course, knit a Fourth Doctor scarf, but odds are you wouldn't be finished by the time Christmas rolled around. It will also it'll save you from tinnitus after all the clicking and clacking of those needles and, of course, what with rising fuel prices and all, you can use it to swaddle approximately two children in when the temperature in your house drops below freezing.


10. Appropriate Branding

Because Steve Moffat secretly controls television from his Dr Claw-like lair, you could also get into the mindset of Cheekbones and Sad Eyes in this Sherlock/Cluedo tie-in game. As it involves investigating the death of Moriarty, we cannot say with confidence that it is canon, but it gives you the chance to really get under the skin of Sherlock by discovering that Irene Adler did it and being a total git about it when you tell everyone.


11. Ooh, a six, that means I get to exterminate Paraguay

Yeah. You read that right. Doctor Who Risk is a thing. Now your all-night Risk parties can have a distinctly Mark 3 Travel Machine themed tone, as you select your Dalek faction and attempt to invade the Earth. Looking at the product description, there doesn't appear to be an option to bombard the planet with deadly viruses before hand, but maybe that's in one of the Power Cards.


12. Make your Sea Devil squeal

Perfect for exploding landmines, igniting marsh gas, or scanning for alarms in your nemesis' time machine. Other Doctor's sonics are also available.


13. If They're Too Cool for Trock

At the time of writing there is a Christmas pan pipes album on Ebay that claims to be the work of Keff McCulloch, more interesting is the EP Variations on a Theme in which Mark Ayres, Dominic Glynn and McCulloch each produce their own take on the Doctor Who theme, entitled 'Mood Version', 'Terror Version' and 'Latin Version' respectively. If you truly want to blow someone's mind though, track down John Levene's album The Ballads of Sergeant Benton.

It makes William Shatner sound like Prince.


14. Hatstand not included

If you've got a room in your house where the door keeps swinging open you can reconstruct the pilot episode of Doctor Who every single day for the rest of your lives.


15. Give the Gift of Abject Terror

Does your house have a window that faces onto the entire street? Do you hate people and enjoy schadenfreude? Well, with the careful application of this life-size Weeping Angel cut-out, you can listen to their bloodcurdling screams from the comfort of your own home, or just forget you put it in a cupboard and scare the crap out of yourself while looking for the ironing board.


16. The Abomination

I don't have to explain this one, do I? It's Special Weapons Dalek. Special Weapons Dalek is well cool.

And also...
You could ask for gift vouchers for the January releases of the Matt Smith specials Doctor Who set,, or the limited edition Sherlock boxset, which is here. We'd also recommend The Enemy Of The World, the 10th Doctor's sonic screwdriver remote control (here), and a jumpsuit with a TARDIS design

Anyway, that's your Christmas sorted. Don't thank us. HO HO HO.

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