Star Trek: The Motion Picture

As everyone is no doubt aware, the new Star Trek movie hits cinemas in a little over a week’s time and it’s generating a substantial amount of interest, even outside of the likes of you and I, who were likely to roll up at the local multiplex for anything with Star Trek attached to the title (hands up who saw Insurrection? Come on, don’t be shy about it. I went).

So being a confirmed Trekkie, I decided I’d go back and re-watch the first ten movies, in order, and prepare myself in true Geek fashion for the upcoming JJ Abrams epic. If nothing els, it gives my wife something to make fun of me with!

So, the year is 1979, Chris Pine wasn’t even born and Zachary Quinto was just a toddler, and after a five year absence since the end of the animated series, Star Trek was back, and bigger than ever. The Motion Picture, or TMP, was Star Trek's first foray onto the big screen.

It’s probably worth explaining a little of the back story to how TMP came about. In the late 70s, Paramount was on the verge of launching its own television network, and needed a big name show to sell advertising on the new station, and it could think of nothing better than Star Trek. With its massive fan support that had saved the show from cancellation, it was the perfect spring-board for the new network. Star Trek: Phase II was to launch, with the original crew, bar Leonard Nimoy, who had decided he was done with the pointy ears, and wanted to become a ‘serious actor.’

By the summer of 1978, however, things had changed. The network deal had fallen through, and the world was held in the force grip of Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. Star Wars had shown that science fiction could make serious money at the box-office and in merchandising. Paramount wanted a piece of the action and it was decided that Star Trek belonged on the silver screen.

Now, when I the first time I saw TMP was, admittedly, after most of the sequels, so my opinion of it may well be slightly biased, but, for what it’s worth, here’s my thoughts on the first entry in Trek’s cinematic odyssey. For clarity’s sake I should point out I’m watching the 2000 Director’s Cut, so straight off the bat the shocking amateur black on white title cards have been replaced by some much smarter gold text on a star field, with Jerry Goldsmith’s iconic theme suitably matched by the visuals.

The film begins with a trio of Klingon ships investigating a large sinister-looking cloud in space, destroying all it comes into contact with. As usual, only one ship is within range, and when the galaxy is in peril, only James T Kirk can save the day. Except it’s not that straight forward. Captain Kirk is now Admiral Kirk, and the ship is no longer his. He soon has the ship back however, and with the world in peril the Enterprise is soon at warp, ready to tackle the problem.

Or rather it isn’t, and this is where my first real problem with the film begins. It’s the most obvious too. The pacing of the film. Desperately keen to show its cinematic credentials, (and in fairness, some fantastic work for John Dykstra and Douglas Trumbull) the film uses far too many, long, pondering FX shots of the Enterprise. Clearly, it must have been incredible back in ’79 to finally see our favourite Starship on the big screen, but you can have too much of a good thing.

The film lacks any sense of pace or urgency and with V'Ger nearing Earth and only the Enterprise in range, how about Kirk and co. shift their collective arses? No? OK, here's another pretty exterior shot instead. The cloud then quickly gobbles up a Federation starbase and it’s then that they realise they really ought to get going, (I’ve always wondered who was there to film the cloud once the station was vaporised) and Dr McCoy and Ilia are onboard and almost forty minutes into the film, the ship leaves drydock and makes its way out into space.

Once the Enterprise does finally launch, we're treated to yet more exterior shots, but I admit they are quite cool; it’s pretty smart to see the ship fly past Jupiter and out through the solar system. But then, just as things are moving nicely, it all goes wrong, again. I’m talking, of course, about the wormhole sequence.

Everyone’s worried about Kirk’s order to go to warp, but in the TV show going to warp was easy for the ship’s crew, like you or I turning on a light switch. The following scene is so bad, it’s toe-curling, everything from the exaggerated motions of the actors to Walter Koenig’s dialogue ‘photon torrrpeeedoooeess arrrvvayy!!!’ is just dreadful and, for me, the whole section of the film belonged on the cutting room floor.

After what seems like an age we finally get the first appearance from Mr Spock, even if it is strung out with a very 2001-esque shuttle docking sequence. The crew then finally finds the cloud, there’s a lot of chat, and again, precious little action. The next twenty minutes or so are consumed with more shots of the ship entering the cloud, and whilst I’ll admit they look superb, and have stood up well to the test of time, they just take so long.

There’s only so many times you can see Shatner, Nimoy et al. staring wide-eyed at flashing lights.

So with Spock uttering the word "orifice" far too many times than necessary (the necessary number is zero, by the way) the film reaches the two hour mark, and stumbles towards its finale.

V'Ger is going to destroy all the 'carbon units' (that's me and thee) on Earth as they are infesting the creator's planet. Kirk works some of his old magic to see V'Ger, and realises it's an old Earth probe, Voyager 6. V'Ger wants to touch its creator so Decker steps into the Quantum Leap accelerator (or at least that's what it looked like to me) and becomes one with the entity, thus saving the day, and meaning Kirk can keep the Enterprise. And so Trek's first film is done, and I have to be honest, it was hard work watching it.

Aside from the crawling pace, one of my big problems with TMP is Dr McCoy, or the lack of him. DeForest Kelley must've been so disappointed with his very limited role in the film, a few random trips to the bridge, seemingly for no good reason, and one scene in the officers' lounge restricts a damn good actor to little more than a bit part.

One of the strong points of Star Trek has been the friendship between Kirk, Spock and McCoy and the way they interact together. The emotion, the humour and the friction between Spock and McCoy, and the way they serve to balance Kirk's thoughts is almost totally absent in the film, and it shows. In fact, for my money, most of the secondary characters are poorly served, with Chekov getting to scream, and the rest of the crew repeatedly looking at the view screen, over and over again.

The new characters introduced in TMP are also given short shrift. Ilia and Decker are given little opportunity to explain their back-story, save the fact that Decker was stationed on Ilia's home world, and that her oath of celibacy is on record (and why is that announced to the bridge crew? I found out, but had to check online - have a look here, if you're desperate to know why - http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Deltan.)

This relationship was reborn as the Troi/Riker relationship in The Next Generation, but given the time constraints of a movie, the characters are just plain awkward in my opinion, and when Ilia returns to the Enterprise as a robotic probe, I just can't help think of Harry Hill! We should feel something for Decker, he’s lost command of his ship and has seen the woman he loves turned into a soulless gobot, but he’s given such little to do in the film, he ultimately just comes across as annoying and whiny, not the kind of bloke who deserves command of the Federation’s flagship.

The film also seems to have been bleached of almost all colour. Admittedly, The Original Series was a bit of explosion of colour (as were many 60s TV shows, remember it was all about selling colour TV sets!) but I had no idea there were so many shades of brown and beige until I saw TMP; was there really any need to make it look quite so bland? Clearly, someone at Paramount agreed with me, since the costumes were quickly brightened up for the next movie.

To sum up, The Motion Picture, is a fine piece of science fiction, but it's too slow and too cerebral for Star Trek. I'm not saying Star Trek can't be intelligent, challenging or thought provoking, but TMP is just too clunky, and slow. There just isn’t enough story, action, or interest here to support the film's runtime.

Ralf, our Jack Russell pup, seemed to enjoy the special FX and some of the soundtrack's stranger moments made his ears prick up. What does that say about the film? Not much, I guess. Thankfully, it made a lot of cash, and spawned a sequel, but enough about that, for now, cos next up is my favourite in the series: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnn!