Best Simpsons Quotes Ever: Part 9

John Moore

Seeing as this is the penultimate day of our two-week The Simpsons quota-a-thon, it's time to celebrate the wit and wisdom of TV's best, and worse, Dad. Plus, let's face it, he gets all the best lines...

Published on Aug 2, 2007

Over to Homer...

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Homer: To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!

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Homer: "We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?"

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Homer: Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart is a vampire! Beer kills brain cells! Now lets go back to that... building... thingy... where our beds and TV... is.

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Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child; but somehow I managed to fit in 8 hours of TV a day.

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Homer: Good things don't end in "eum", they end in "mania" or "teria"

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Homer: Son, a woman is a lot like a refrigerator! They're about 6 feet tall and weigh 300 lbs... They make ice and ... um ... Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer! They look good, they smell good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

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Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or loose... It’s how drunk you get.

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Homer: Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

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Song of the Day: When I Was Seventeen (to the tune of It Was A Very Good Year)

Well beer, we've had some great times.
[wistfully] When I was seventeen,
I drank some very good beer,
I drank some very good beer I purchased with a fake ID,
My name was Brian McGee,
I stayed up listening to Queen,
When I was seventeen.

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Blackboard wisdom of the day: The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with 'Hail Satan'.