Let's get going...

***

Bart: I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger, first name Ollie.
Homer (looking after Moe's): (excited) Ooh! My first prank call! What do I do?
Bart: Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger.
Homer: I don't get it.
Bart: Yell out "I'll eat a booger"
Homer: What's the gag?
Bart: Oh, forget it...

***

Krusty: Now for my favourite part of the show.... What does that say? Talk to the audience! Ugghhh, this is always death...

***

Bart: Didn't you wonder why you were getting checks for doing absolutely nothing?
Grampa: I figured because the democrats were in power again.

***

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

***

Apu: Shiva H. Vishnu!

***

Gay men: We're here. We're queer. Get used to it.
Lisa: We are used to it. You do this every year.
Gay man: Aww, you take all the fun out of it.

***

Mayor Quimby (toasting his nephew): May all your disgraces be private...

***

Lisa: Look on the bright side, Dad. Did you know that the Chinese use the same word for 'crisis' as they do for 'opportunity'?
Homer: Yes! Crisi-tunity!

Song of The Day: The Amendment Song (part of a "campy seventies throwback that appeals to generation X-ers" used to replace Itchy & Scratchy)

I'm not garbage.
I'm an amendment to be.
Yes, an amendment to be.
And I'm hoping that they'll ratify me.

There's a lot of flag burners
Who have got too much freedom.
I want to make it legal for policemen to beat 'em.
'Cause there's limits to our liberties.
'Least I hope and pray that there are.
'Cause those liberal freaks go too far.

Boy: But why can't we just make a law against flag burning?
Amendment-to-be: Because that law would be unconstitutional. But if we change the Constitution...
Boy: Then we could make all sorts of crazy laws.
Amendment-to-be: Now you're catching on... Come on in boys!

***

Blackboard wisdom of the day: Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does

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Tomorrow: The top 10 Simpsons movie quotes!