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17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who

Simon Brew


As a great fan of Russell T Davies’ revived Doctor Who, Simon can’t wait for the three upcoming specials. But will any feature any of this dialogue…?

Published on May 21, 2009

The Russell T Daviesification of Doctor Who has been the cause of much debate over the past few years, with pop culture references, flirting and even a paving slab indicating it would be up for some, er, things that paving slabs aren't supposed to do.

With that in mind, we had a bit of a think, and came up with the lines that we'd least expect RTD to write into one of his modern day Doctor Who scripts...


The Doctor to Rose:
"I prefer Donna to you"

Bernard Cribbins to The Doctor:
"You're the Doctor? But you're only 17!"

Captain Jack to the Doctor:
"You're not my type"

The Doctor to his new assistant:
"My life! You look over 40!"

The Doctor:
"The sonic screwdriver? Nah. I've decided I don't need that any more"

Sarah Jane to the Doctor:
"It wasn't this loud in my day"

Entire cast, as they stop in the middle of a chase scene:
"Will you shut that bloody music off?"

The Master to The Doctor:
"Look, I'm going to say this very quietly..."

The Doctor to Astrid from Voyage Of The Damned:
"Hi Charlene! Haven't I seen you on VH1?"

The Doctor to Mickey Smith:
"And your role in this is what, exactly?"

The Doctor to River Song:
"The divorce papers are in the post."

Any companion to The Doctor:
"I'm only standing here, you know. No need to shout"

The Doctor to his assistants:
"Can someone get me Peri instead? She was much better than you lot."

The Doctor to Donna:
"It could be worse, I suppose. Have you ever heard of Bonnie Langford?"

The Doctor:
"I'm Mr Smith, nice to meet you. Power to the people!"

Security guard to The Doctor as psychic paper is waved at him:
"I think someone's nicked your bus pass."

The Doctor to Rose:
"You again? Will you just f*ck off already?"

Add your own in the comments!


Check out the new and ever growing Doctor Who page at DoG, where we are marshalling all the Who content at the site, including interviews, DVD and episode reviews, lists, opinions and articles on our favourite time traveller...

 

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Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By Davros 1 May 21, 2009 08:55:05 AM

The Doctor & The Master over a pint of Gallifreyan best. Doctor: So you missed the death of Adric. Let's go back & watch it again. Both: Mwah hah hah hah hah hah

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By Davros 1 May 21, 2009 09:04:45 AM

Dalek 1: "Exterminate the Doctor." Dalek 2 fires gun. Dalek 2. "Extermination complete, the Doctor is dead"

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By Davros 1 May 21, 2009 09:05:47 AM

Any companion. "Doctor can we go back to biblical times & find out about Jesus?"

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By Davros 1 May 21, 2009 09:26:37 AM

Doctor: "Right that's the chameleon circuit fixed, lets get the HADS back online then we'll sort out the state of temporal grace"

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By Davros 1 May 21, 2009 09:40:13 AM

Brigadier at the Doctors funeral. "Marvelous chap, all of them. Gave up his 13th body to save us, sadly even the Doctor can't regenerate more than 12 times"

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By Davros 1 May 21, 2009 09:42:16 AM

The Doctor & K9 over a game of Gallifreyan chess. Doctor: "So you missed the death of Adric by just one season. Let's go back & watch it again." K9: "Affirmative master." Wags tail happily. Both: Mwah hah hah hah hah hah

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By Davros 1 May 21, 2009 09:44:02 AM

The 10th Doctor to Ian & Barbara. Doctor: "So you never knew Adric, he died you know. Lets go back & watch it" All: Mwah hah hah hah hah hah

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By kivel 1 May 21, 2009 11:39:46 AM

Speaking of River Song , I feel the greatest waste of two characters are River and Jenny. River Song should have at least made a brief appearance in the last two shows ever one else does (EXCEPT MARTHA!) and River is supposed to be very important to the doctor. And if we don't revisit jenny ... she has more potential than any Doctor Who character and they are currently handing out shows to bit players

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By kivel 1 May 21, 2009 11:39:51 AM

Speaking of River Song , I feel the greatest waste of two characters are River and Jenny. River Song should have at least made a brief appearance in the last two shows ever one else does (EXCEPT MARTHA!) and River is supposed to be very important to the doctor. And if we don't revisit jenny ... she has more potential than any Doctor Who character and they are currently handing out shows to bit players

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By kivel 1 May 21, 2009 11:41:16 AM

sorry dont know why that happened

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By DamonD 1 May 21, 2009 11:49:40 AM

The Kandyman - "We meet again, Doctor!"

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By Docmartin 1 May 21, 2009 12:32:31 PM

Dalek shoots someone dead without shouting, "Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!" The Master, having been obliterated to his very atoms in a previous story, reappears with a fanfare of "Ta-Daaaaa!" "Jack, stop dressing like me." "Oh okay, Jackie, just this once." And finally ... Doctor and Master face off as the Universe watches. Master: "I know your name and I think its about time the universe knew the truth!" Doctor: "No, Master, I beg you!" Master: "It's too late" Doctor: "Please ... don't do this!" Master: "Your name is ... Dwayne Dibley!" Doctor: "Noooooooo ...."

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By Davros 1 May 21, 2009 01:56:26 PM

"Davros, we name you Mr Universe"

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By simonbrew 1 May 21, 2009 02:15:22 PM

"The Kandyman - "We meet again, Doctor!"" My favourite.

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By badfox1 1 May 21, 2009 05:17:31 PM

Donna at the end of Turn Left; "She said two words... No chips." Cue Doctor running into the alley to find No Chips plastered everywhere.

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By blueoyster101 1 May 21, 2009 10:23:13 PM

Bernard Cribbins: "Hang on, didn't you used to be Peter Cushing?" Didn't try explaining THAT did you Russell T Whatsit!!!

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By R-type 1 May 25, 2009 08:53:49 PM

in RTD Who: Any character "I'm straight." sorry :P but it seems he does shoehorn in his relationship views in every episiode he writes, even Midnight managed it.

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By Gallifraidnot 1 July 3, 2009 03:05:05 PM

Rose: One day, I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine... O_o The Doctor: I'm sorry, I'm so...OH I AM NOT! *drops into Nicholson's Joker mode* I'm glad you're dead!

Re: 17 lines you’ll never hear in modern Doctor Who
Posted By jinste 1 October 19, 2009 06:57:47 AM

Doctor to Russell T Davies-"Any chance you could introduce more gay stuff into this show?Yes,I know its not suitable for a young audience watching at tea-time on a saturday,but the most important thing is you ram your sexuality and your issues down the viewers throats at every opportunity.The more of that cack we have in the script,the more it will piss people off,and then the less the audience will notice how unoriginal,cliched and full of stereotypes your lousy scripts are."
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