Nicolas Cage vs PhotoShop: first poster for Stolen

News Simon Brew

Bad PhotoShop alert: the first poster for new Nicolas Cage film, Stolen...

Let's do the important bit first. Stolen reunites Nicolas Cage with his Con Air director, Simon West. That alone gets our attention, and the film's been flitting around our radar ever since we heard about it.

The plot seems as usual as always: Cage is looking for his kidnapped daughter, and to get her back he apparently has to cough up the $10m he's been hoarding while he was in prison.

Actually, you don't need us to explain that, thinking about it, because the ham-fisted poster does a rather good job of getting these key points across. In fact, the movie title seems like a bit of an afterthought here.Take a look:

Of key concern where this poster is concerned though is the big question: what on earth has happened to Nicolas Cage's face? It's shiny, contorted and, well, blatantly PhotoShopped within an inch of its life. Hmmm.

The film is due in cinemas later this year. We'll predict right now that it's better than the poster...

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Well at least it adds something to an otherwise generic action-flick poster; explosion in the background, guy running away from said explosion etc.

Best guess has to be not his body or face and his fizzgog grafted on. Don't think I'll be bothering with this one unless something better appears to whet my appetite.

Hmmm... Tiny, Grainy picture.

A: This is a still straight from the cine camera and the bad "Shopping" is someone trying to balance out exposure.

B: This is a stuntman's body from the shoot and Nic Cage's head from a particularly nasty lunch.

C: Liam Neeson has Just found out Cage is trying to steal his thunder and that's Nic scared face.

D: All of the above.

Prime FACE IN HOLE material :D

I tell you what, that sound like such an original idea for a film. 'Dad tries to rescue his daugher'. I dare say when they came up with the title they didn't just flick through a Thesaurus

ahh,age and gravity...they probably photo shopped out the wrinkles and the chicken neck.....

He looks like a poor man's Christopher Walken in this 'shopped poster.  

Generic Action Movie is Generic :D

Lifted. Borrowed. Removed. Teefed.

Jason Statham in.. Nicked

They've taken his daughter. They don't want anything. They just have a deathwish.

Any film with Lord Cage in is worth a watch in my opinion.
Though I did see Trespass recently and that was truly cack (though not due to Cage's efforts)

With each passing movie, I find Cage's hairline ever more exceptional. Kudos, my friend. Kudos.

At least his wig is slightly less ridiculous this time around 

"If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look
for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I
will find you, and I will drag you out to the sidewalk and beat you til you p p p PISS b BLOOD!"

"You can have my daughter as long as you don't... NO! NOT THE BEES!"

Oh dear. I think his face is melting from the car exploding behind him. It's definitely a plot point in the film. Sorry if I spoiled it! 

Blimey - crighton from red dwarf is wearing a nick cage wig!

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