Exclusive: the unused adverts of Harrison Ford

Feature Simon Brew Ryan Lambie 19 Feb 2014 - 05:46

What if Harrison Ford's 'approach' to looking interested in the current Sky Movies adverts was used elsewhere...?

A while back, we penned a piece maligning the fact that Kevin Bacon - an actor it's fair to say many of us admire an awful lot - had managed to get himself attached to some of the most irritating adverts in modern cinema history. His attempts to shovel EE products made the days of the old Bacardi advert about the "Dog and Duck, down the High Street" seem almost idyllic.

But to the credit of Kevin Bacon, at least he tried. Another acting hero to many of us, Harrison Ford, can currently be seen sleepwalking his way through a new promo for Sky Movies. To say he looks disinterested would be fair. To say that whoever signed the cheque for his services at Sky must be querying their decision is probably also fair. If you've not had the pleasure yet...

And it got us thinking: what if the mighty Harrison Ford were to lend his disinterested manner to other products? We've, er, exclusively got hold of the Harrison Ford adverts that never were. Be kind to us in the comments...

Do feel free to leave your own suggestions in the comments. Also, if you'd like to leave some feedback, then let us guide you by offering you the following options:

A) This is not funny. You're bad at writing about stuff usually, but this takes this biscuit.

B) I found this mildly amusing, but nothing more.

C) I think you had misread Harrison Ford's approach to the Sky adverts, and have done the great man a disservice. I hope he takes you for every coffee you own.

D) I can't believe you gave RoboCop/The LEGO Movie (delete in accordance with which you're the most pissed off about) four stars.

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The Aldi one cracked me up

I actually think Ford sold this pretty well. Could it be that you just dislike him because he does not cater to fanboys and their websites?

I can't believe Sky increased my subscription fee just so they could get Harrison Ford out of bed for a day to make their televised propaganda.

When was the last time I mentioned Andrew Scott?

I think the real question should be "When was the last time you watched something decent staring Harrison Ford".
Love the last one BTW

The LEGO Movie was great. Harrison Ford was much more plastic in the Sky advert, though.

When was the last time you found humour in a joke article that wasn't meant as a personal attack?

Wot no well-insulated nuke-proof fridge advert?

When was the last time you noticed a personal vendetta by denofgeek against a celebrity? (Answer. James Cameron circa 2009)

To be fair to Harrison, I saw him on a show recently where this magician went around celebrities homes and did various tricks with them. He was as wooden in that as in the Sky ads, so I think maybe that is just him. Not knocking the guy, he has that air of "couldn't give a f@ck". "When was the last time you got paid 6 figures to amble around for a day and say 5 lines?"

Very good. Loved the debt consolidation ad...
My daughter, who is 4, saw this advert the other day and said 'Oh look, Dad. It's Han Solo. He's looks a lot older than he did in Star Wars, though...'

Option A

I won't lie. I laughed audibly at the Cutty Sark one. I feel like I need a shower now.

I hope Harrison Ford's fee was 10,000, all in advance.

I can't believe this got five upvotes. This makes the Lego Movie review travesty look like that other time.

10,000? They could almost buy their own sleepwalking android version of a famous actor for that.

When was the last time you were too creaky to retrieve your fedora from underneath a rapidly closing door, and ended up spending a day wandering around with pretty bad hat hair?

You have educated her well Sir.

At least he doesn't insult our intelligence by pretending he cares about the product, unlike Kevin (it still hurts)

I don't hate the Kevin Bacon adverts. Are we allowed to say that? They're not as good as the old Orange adverts with the phone executives ruining the films with product placement, but they're not bad. I mean at least it's an attempt at something…

I can't believe you gave RoboCop 4 stars

Are you serious? "Full English or Continental, Kev?" in a terrible Scouse(?) accent. "No brainer!". I've never seen anyone look so unconvincing when saying "Mmmmm" after an unappetising meal is placed before them than Kevin Bacon at the end of that advert, and he's an ACTOR. And he didn't even have to EAT IT!

I used to think Harrison Ford was a pretty poor (albeit charismatic) actor, who always played the same role that was essentially himself until I actually saw him being interviewed. Turns out that the guy is nothing like Han Solo or Indiana jones and is far more like his Sky TV advert persona. Made me completely re-evaluate his acting skill (when he can be bothered to show up). Back to the article in question - the ad for mild is genius, followed closely by Werthers original. Maybe he could try yellow pages as well (keeping with the soothingly bland theme), but only if they bring back that old slow piano tune they used to have. Sadly, they don't do Hamlet adverts anymore - he'd have been great saying "Happiness is ...etc" with his now standard "who gives a damn" demeanour.


sapien? sexual? geneous?
Either way it's not much of an insult is it?

Ender's Game was alright. Cowboys vs Aliens was tosh but Ford was pretty good in it.

When was the last time you were really p***ed off about a price rise in your TV package?

Could you point us to the bit of the article that says the writers dislike him?

Little bit of A ............. A smattering of B ............. A soupson of litigious C and not so much of D.

Hard to choose the most humiliatingly embarassing parts of those adverts - the awful no brainer/hmm bit, the suggestion that he actually knows what Coronation Street or Paddy McGuiness are or the moment he ends up in a conga celebrating the "double" with the guy with the bulgy eyes from Britain's Got Talent. They alone are reason enough to want The Following to continue, if only so Kev doesn't need the work so badly. Sadly, they're not the worst now standard advert showing in cinemas - step forward those awful M&M adverts.

Last week! There went my water skiing holiday.

Harrison Ford is an amazing actor because whenever I see him doing an interview, the guy looks and acts like the poster child for dementia or Alzheimer's. But then you look at one of his movies and there's all this energy, charisma, emotion. Totally baffling, or maybe I'm just catching his bad interviews.

Why so much self-hate, DoG? I can imagine Ford giving you guys, at the very least, an small nod of recognition.

"When was the last time you touched yourself.... y'know, down there?"

\I thought the story was quite amusing.

He was pretty damn good in 42.

When was the last time you took a Sh%t?

"When was the last time you admired dat ass?" - Cue his facial expression on the Werther's Original pic.

Why did I watch that ad? Why?

He's more likely contractually obliged to do shitty ads for newscorp as part of some film he did with them.

When was the last time you looked up the word "disinterested" and found out it doesn't mean "indifferent"? :)

Harrison Ford. Will do a shitty SKY advert. Won't do The Lego Movie.......

Just to be picky, the accent is not bad scouse, but welsh. I agree with everything else.

Really? Ok, I didn't pick up on that. At least next time I'm forced to endure it I'll have something to listen out for!

He's just a quiet guy who doesn't get super hyped-up at anything unless he's in a movie that calls for it... he also has a low pitched, slow way of speaking in general.
I think he comes across fine, that's just him.

When was the last time you stopped criticizing yourselves over an actor who just doesn't give two shits? Good job guys!

2. having or feeling no interest in something; uninterested.
"her father was so disinterested in her progress that he only visited the school once"
synonyms:uninterested, indifferent, incurious, unconcerned, unmoved, unresponsive, impassive, passive, detached, unfeeling, uncaring, unenthusiastic, lukewarm, bored, apathetic, blasé, nonchalant; More
"he looked at her with disinterested eyes"

Even if one accepts the secondary meaning, which has recently gained acceptance because people don't know the difference between disinterested and uninterested, it still isn't particularly clever to use a word that means two completely different things in any text where both meanings could be construed from the context. Unless you're directing your text at people who are guaranteed to know the difference.

There isn't a difference! Dictionary said so.

I know the feeling, for what it's worth. I hate that "decimate" now means "annihilate," and that "purposely" is a word. (They've made an adverb out of a noun - that is Frankensteinian-level butchery!!) But... you knew exactly what they meant!

Surely, people who don't know the original meaning of "disinterested" will parse it as "indifferent," and the people who do, will grumble, and then parse it as "indifferent," too? Nobody's sat there scratching their head, going "They said disinterested, but this Ford chap actually seems quite biased." Meaning has been conveyed, and the English language limps on.

I'm sure you're right, and I'm with you on the butchery. The problem I'm having with this kind of linguistic retcon is that language loses in shades of meaning and will, in my estimation, in the end become a very blunt, unrefined instrument indeed. But never mind, when it's done limping, I suppose it can find a nice wheelchair :)

C) C) C) C) C) C) !!!1!11! ;)

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