The Dudley Moore comedy Crazy People has always appealed to me, even though it seems that virtually no one else I know has ever seen it. It’s the one where he becomes a brutally honest advertising executive, coming up with slogans like “Buy Volvos. They’re boxy, but they’re good”.

But what if such thinking was applied to the movies?
 
Shrek The Third
"It’s got fewer ideas than the last two, and isn’t as funny, but the kids won’t mind"

Star Trek
"It is really something to do with the TV series, despite what our earlier advertising might have led you to believe"

Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
"The man in the hat is old", or "Be warned: George has bought some more software for his computer"

Cars
"Finally! A family movie that you can take a 30 minute break in the middle of!"

Saw V
"It’s just like Saw IV. And Saw III. And Saw II. Don't worry if you miss it, though. Saw VI will be along in a year"

Superman Returns
"The superhero movie for those who like people talking about shit rather than doing it"

Casino Royale
"A very different Bond movie. Because we’re ashamed of the invisible car in the last one!"

Mamma Mia
"The musical that proves that it really doesn’t matter whether you can sing for shit or not!"

Charlie’s Angels 2
"This film takes place primarily in slow motion"

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
"The most expensive and exciting trade agreement action extravaganza ever!"

X-Men: The Last Stand
“Not from the director of X-Men and X-Men 2!”

The Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience
"Because we hate parents"

Journey To The Center Of The Earth
"A not very good film you must watch with silly glasses on, and pay extra to see!"

Sweeney Todd and the Demon Barber of Fleet Street
"There is lots of singing in this movie, but we'd rather you didn't find out before you go to see it"

Ocean's 12
"We did not make this movie for you. We made it for us"

And how about a few more honest taglines, too?

The Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King
“The never ending story!”

Brokeback Mountain
”That’s gotta hurt”

The Incredible Hulk
“Because that earlier film doesn’t exist. It was just pretend”

Yes Man
"Because sometimes, the same old shit doesn’t work after all"

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
"A blockbuster in a bad mood"

Angels & Demons
"It serves you right for making The Da Vinci Code a hit"

The X-Files: I Want To Believe
"And we want to believe that our best days aren’t behind us"

Rocky Balboa
"Because, just sometimes, you can get blood out of a stone"

Signs
"The one where M Night Shyamalan starts to lose it"

The Rocketeer
"You know what? At least we fucking tried"

In case you’ve never caught Crazy People, here are a couple of clips from it, that send up the advertising industry a treat…

And here’s the group pitch to Sony. “Sony… Boney”…

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