Brilliant stuff- reminds me of the Goodfellas Harry Enfield sketch that made fun of this- "Suck my lozenge" "You're such an ear hole". Became catch phrases at school for ages afterwards. One of my favourite edits is the bit in Aliens where Hudson goes mental in the Ops room shoot out- they simply turned up the gun volume cos even TV folks knew they they couldn't replace that much swearing!

There are some real doozies in Mallrats. To name just two, "Lois Lane could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle his sperm?" became "Do you think her faithful fans could handle the shock?", while "All it took was a fat chronic blunt!" became "All it took was a phat karate punch!"

Mallrats? Now you're talking. It's top of my pile of films I need to rewatch soon...

The one that sticks in my mind is when the Beeb showed Beverly Hills Cop and replaced all the motherfcukers with motherjumpers with the jumpers being done by some wimpy white english bloke who sounded nothing like Eddie Murphey.

You are all a bunch of muddy funsters!

For me the worst (or at least the heaviest) editing of that kind was in St Elmo's Fire. So many muddyfunsters and so much fluffing going on!

In the Die Hard 2 one, he actually says "Joke off," not "Joe off." This is for a reason. In the uncensored version, earlier in the movie, Colonel Stewart is asked by the TV reporter character for "just a word" and he says "I have two: 'fuck' and 'you'" and walks off. Later on in the movie, John McClane is in the elevator with that same character and she asks for "just a few words" (as you see in the clip) and he says "OK, Fuck off." This jogs her memory of her earlier encounter with Colonel Stewart, which gives John McClane a clue he needs. When we edited it for TV, we changed the Colonel Stewart line so that when she asks for a word, he says "I have two: 'joke' and 'you'." Instead of looping that line, we took the word "joke" from the part where Colonel Stewart is asked by his guy about the airport security and he says "It's just like we thought: a joke." Later, when we changed John McClane's line in the elevator, we had to make it still remind the TV reporter of Colonel Stewart to keep the plot point intact. We realized that what we were doing was completely ridiculous anyway, so instead of looping that line, we went full-throttle with the whole thing and just used the Colonel Stewart recording of the word 'joke.' And that's why John McClane's voice changes and he says 'JOKE ... off" in the TV version.

"monkey fighting snakes" HAAAAHAAHAAA!!!!

I remember BBC2 (UK) aired Terminator - classic stuff - as Big Arnie asks for Hudson's clothes 'your clothes, give them to me' he should have been met with 'fuck you asshole' but instead was a mumbling 'screw you punk'. I recall being sooo disappointed. I mean what the fuck is the point. You 'gentle folk' have the right to be offended, and if you don't like it, then fuck right off!

>"This Monday To Friday plane." Who the hell came up with that?! I think it's one of the best, since it actually makes some sort of sense to have been in the original. All the others are transparent on what was actually said.

Brilliant! Eating pineapple just became ten times ruder. I heard that for the American TV clean edit, what once was a line that rhymed was changed to "my name is Buck, and a came here to 'party'". I guess that makes his vehicle of choice the Party Wagon...

Some old faves of mine... Falling Down. The part in the shop where the nazi offers D-Fens an olive branch in the form of a rocket launcher, he says "Fuck you, who the fuck are you, you're gonna take my rocket motherfucker." The cut ITV version said "Screw you. Who the hell are you? You're gonna take my rocket you dippity scumsucker!"

...also in robocop during the liqueur store hold up. The gunman goes mad and screams expletives. ITV had him saying "Why me? Why me? Why me?"

The "Mr. Falcon" line from DH2 has become infamous amongst bad censorship blunders. Also, is the lineup scene in The Usual Suspects when the men are supposed to step forward and say something like "Give me the money, you fucking cocksucker", but the bad censoring had it changed to "Give me the money, you Fairy Godmother." In addition, the Shaun of the Dead DVD has a feature on it called "Funky Pete" where you can watch the censored version of Pete's expletive laden rant about Shaun & Ed's 4am music-blasting with all the "fuck"s replaced with "funk". It's so ridiculous it's become almost hilarious on it's own. Years ago, I also used to have an atrocious version of Heathers that I taped off TBS. For some reason, the censors for that particular one were completely inept. They didn't bother trying to dub over the swear words, they simply removed any scene where anyone says a swear word, thus leaving you with a chopped-to-hell mess that doesn't make any sense. Way to go, TBS morons.

Not SF, but Clint Eastwood in Heartbreak Ridge used the amazing phrase 'Maggot-Farmers'.