10 endings we wished had been leaked to the Internet

News Simon Brew 24 Mar 2009 - 07:36
Things coulda been so different. Well, fairly different...

With the news that Terminator: Salvation’s ending has reportedly altered due to an Internet leak, here’s some others we wish had had the same treatment…

We’re really quite looking forward to Terminator: Salvation, and hope to goodness that McG, Christian Bale and that DP that got shouted at lots can deliver a film worthy of the name.

However, we were intrigued to read this morning that the ending to the film may have been altered as a result of Internet leaking. Bluntly, we never knew we all had such power. And as such, if we could rev up the DeLorean to 88 and head back in time, these are the films of recent times we’d be leaking like mad, simply to try and help them…

One word of warning: while we’ve tried not to discuss too many specifics of the endings in question, there are inevitably spoilers ahead…

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III

Can’t quite puzzle out how this one happened. How did a film in its last act manage to piss away a potentially great villain in almost cartoon style, and then end with Tom Cruise and Michelle Monaghan walking away hand in hand? Did someone substitute the joke script or something on the day they shot it?

THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH

To be fair, if I recall correctly this one was revealed on the Internet. We’re talking about the moment where Pierce Brosnan utters the worst line of movie dialogue in the entire 1990, when he turns to Denise Richards’ Christmas Jones and says, inwardly cringing as he does so, “Christmas comes but once a year.” Sadly, the early shaming of this tawdry piece of dialogue wasn’t enough to persuade the makers of the film to change it.

Surely they wish they had done now?

THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK

With 20 minutes to go, Steven Spielberg had given us a solid Jurassic Park sequel, with some fine sequences in it. And then he transported a bloody dinosaur to San Diego for no clear reason whatsoever, other than to have a pop at the Godzilla movie. Terrible, terrible, terrible. Granted, the Internet in its popular sense was in its infancy when Lost World came out. But heck, we could have tried

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING

We wish, in this case, about three or four of the endings had been leaked onto the Internet. That way, they might have just ended the finest film trilogy of the past decade with just one finale.

VOLCANO

“OMG!”, the Internet would have said. “You know that big film about a big volcano going off and doing big damage? It ends with a patronising bit of moralising that still brings out a shudder that shakes us to our very core.” Or, more likely: “that suckz. LOL.”

PLANET OF THE APES

If you don’t know what we’re talking about, in Tim Burton’s quite horribly bad remake, then we’re not going to sully your mind. It’s just horrible. But, unlike every film in this list, it is at least a crappy ending at the end of a crappy film, and doesn’t hurl a wrecking ball through everything that preceded it.

INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL

See Mr Spielberg and Lucas? It doesn’t always pay to be so secretive does it? Never mind test screenings, focus groups and script doctors. The Internet would have told you that your ending was shit for free. All you had to do was ask.

CONTACT

Lots of things to like about Contact. It’s two thirds of a really good film. Jodie Foster is great in it. James Woods is great in it. And then Jodie heads off in her vessel, and we sit through a moment so out of keeping with the rest of the film, that the Internet invented the acronym WTF to just about cover it.

STAR TREK: NEMESIS

Golden rule of killing a character off: if you’re going to do it, just do it. Don’t bottle it and bring back in another version who looks exactly the same, talks exactly the same, and thus pretty much renders the whole idea pointless. Is it any wonder the franchise needed a reboot after that?

MINORITY REPORT

Is this Spielberg’s best film in recent times? There’s certainly an argument there (although A.I. pips it for me, and hey, that’s a controversial ending I really don’t mind). But once again – and is it a coincidence that there are three Spielberg movies on this list? – we get a pointless last 20 minutes, which granted gives Max Von Sydow some work to do (and it’s always great to see Ming The Merciless on the big screen), but otherwise prolongs and detracts from what had to that point been a great sci-fi thriller.

On top of those, it’d be remiss of us not to discuss…

M NIGHT SHYAMALAN

It seems a bit unfair to cite just one of M Night’s movies, when there are a few with troubling endings. I quite liked the ending of The Village myself (and I like most of his movies too), but struggle with the ultra-quick wrap up to the otherwise brilliant Unbreakable. Most seem to be unanimous on Signs, though, as the ending where things just went horribly, horribly wrong…

Agree? Disagree? Head to the comments…

Disqus - noscript

cordas- war of the worlds YES! Totaly agree. When I heard that they weren't going to do a period piece and move it to America just like 50s, I feared the worst but actually loved the majority of the film. Then that red brick perfect surbuban leafy neighbourhood happens and just shafts everything that's come before it. And don't get me started on the kid surviving after he ran into the world's biggest napalm strike. Spielberg really let down a terrific film with that. Can't believe nobody else has mentioned Alien Resurrection, seriously the big white alien with the goo goo eyes as he gets slurped out the window crack. RUBBISH.

I also had qualms about War of the Worlds, but was more than pleasantly surprised by most of the movie (I just wish they had put a little frigate on the river called the USS Thunderchild), then they put that shit ending on, it was even worse than the ending of Independence day althought that lost it after they destroyed the Whitehouse.



Matrix 3 should be nominated as well.... the fight scene at the end just sucked.

You've made a couple of context errors with your picks. The line in World Is Not Enough is "I thought Christmas only comes once a year" - vastly different meaning to your version. I like that line because it doesn't even bother to be a double entendre, it's just flat out filth!

Also, lame though Lost World's ending is (Hammond Jnr getting comped aside), it isn't a direct dig at Emmerich's Godzilla because that was released the following summer - at which time, Armageddon did take a few direct cracks at it.

Totally agree on Volcano though. White dust over everyone, "They all look the same." *Facepalm*

Have to say I disagree with your opinion on Minority Report- I thought it took guts for Spielberg to front load the action in that movie and end with an anti-climax. It seemed like he was basically throwing 2 fingers to Hollywood and saying "That's how great I am, I can even f*** with my own movie structure- what you gonna do?". Also think that yes although the water thing was a bit lame in Signs, the reason for everything coming together, when you realise its a film more about a guy rediscovering his faith in God (and in a sense a proof of God) than an alien invasion movie, I think that was a great ending personally. but then I'm a Shamylan apologist- I like Lady in The Water and enjoyed the hell out of the Happening so sue me. Totally agree about Planet of the Apes though- what a pile of shite. A massive one to miss out though- Alien 4- that big white alien thing being sucked out of the window with puppy eyes. Ruined what for me had been to that point a pretty solid Alien movie. Horrible, simply horrible.

The Lost World, just a couple of points. It wasn't a huge secret that Sony was making Godzilla, and trailers ran a year in advance, during The Lost World's summer run. I can't help but think there was an element of spoiler tactic there, because while I accept that it was explained in the film why things moved to San Diego, there was no real point to it. It didn't help the film, and diverted from the book for no plausible reason IMO.

disagree on Shyamalan to an extent. I will defend all of his films except The Happening. "ITS THE WIND! RUN AWAAAAAY!" - i liked how Signs was basically a story about fate vs faith and i think i worked very well. Unbreakable again is a film i love and think the ending is good. Id like to have been warned about the ending of Dancer in the Dark though, because it made me cry like a little tiny baby....

also, I dont mind the ending to Indy 4. I like the idea of aliens from another dimension and what not, and its more feasable than drinking from the holy grail. a film id like to have been told the ending of in more detail is Donnie Darko. Not because i dont appreciate it, but as in theres a whole new sequel thats coming out, read yto piss all over the mythology laid down in the first film. That film should END THERE

Yes YES OH GOD YES! Minority report. Truky wonderful film, and had the perfect Dick ending with cruise confronted with the man who abducted and murdered his child. This is where the film shoiuld have ended! With Cruise shaved and locked away in his tube to spend eternity in a coma.

Instead it gives us another twist in the tale, and then a rather rushed ending that sees all is well again for everyone. Boooooo!

The ending of The Happening was truely aweful (mind you so was the rest of the movie). Not so much the reasoning behind it but the pathetic measures that allowed the main characters to survive.



I would also like to add War of the Worlds with its "everyone important survived" and 3 weeks after alien invasion everything is back to normal style ending.



In fact any appocolypse movie that ends with a happy ending and life returning to normal isn't really an appocolypse movie now is it... I am not saying everyone should die or that come characters shouldn't have a happy ending but it bugs the shit out of me when "hollywood happy ending" are tacked onto movies that shouldn't really have them.



I thought the ending of Indy 4 was garbage, it just didn't make any sense...

I have no problem with the SPACE NAZIS showing up at the end of Indy 4, it's fine in my mind at least.

I'd nominate The Matrix because really any chance of a sequel could have saved everyone a lot of pain.

I totally agree with most of your picks, especially Indy (although I’d rather the whole film had been canned to be honest, as it was pants) and Jurassic-Zilla. I would, however, very strongly disagree with the M Night Shyamalan bashing. Yes, The Happening was guff, I won’t argue there, but his other flicks are all superb, in my opinion anyway. I loved the ending to Signs, and thought it was a cool and clever way to explain a lot of the events that had happened. The Village was predictable, but still a good ending. Unbreakable, on the other hand, is, for me, in a totally different league, and is one of my favourite films of all time. Samuel L’s last line is pure genius.

The Game had the worst ending ever - I've been shot at, nearly drowned, terrorised, driven to attempt suicide... you got me you crazy joker, I love you buddy!!!

cordas- war of the worlds YES! Totaly agree. When I heard that they weren't going to do a period piece and move it to America just like 50s, I feared the worst but actually loved the majority of the film. Then that red brick perfect surbuban leafy neighbourhood happens and just shafts everything that's come before it. And don't get me started on the kid surviving after he ran into the world's biggest napalm strike. Spielberg really let down a terrific film with that. Can't believe nobody else has mentioned Alien Resurrection, seriously the big white alien with the goo goo eyes as he gets slurped out the window crack. RUBBISH.

I also had qualms about War of the Worlds, but was more than pleasantly surprised by most of the movie (I just wish they had put a little frigate on the river called the USS Thunderchild), then they put that shit ending on, it was even worse than the ending of Independence day althought that lost it after they destroyed the Whitehouse.



Matrix 3 should be nominated as well.... the fight scene at the end just sucked.

You've made a couple of context errors with your picks. The line in World Is Not Enough is "I thought Christmas only comes once a year" - vastly different meaning to your version. I like that line because it doesn't even bother to be a double entendre, it's just flat out filth!

Also, lame though Lost World's ending is (Hammond Jnr getting comped aside), it isn't a direct dig at Emmerich's Godzilla because that was released the following summer - at which time, Armageddon did take a few direct cracks at it.

Totally agree on Volcano though. White dust over everyone, "They all look the same." *Facepalm*

Have to say I disagree with your opinion on Minority Report- I thought it took guts for Spielberg to front load the action in that movie and end with an anti-climax. It seemed like he was basically throwing 2 fingers to Hollywood and saying "That's how great I am, I can even f*** with my own movie structure- what you gonna do?". Also think that yes although the water thing was a bit lame in Signs, the reason for everything coming together, when you realise its a film more about a guy rediscovering his faith in God (and in a sense a proof of God) than an alien invasion movie, I think that was a great ending personally. but then I'm a Shamylan apologist- I like Lady in The Water and enjoyed the hell out of the Happening so sue me. Totally agree about Planet of the Apes though- what a pile of shite. A massive one to miss out though- Alien 4- that big white alien thing being sucked out of the window with puppy eyes. Ruined what for me had been to that point a pretty solid Alien movie. Horrible, simply horrible.

The Lost World, just a couple of points. It wasn't a huge secret that Sony was making Godzilla, and trailers ran a year in advance, during The Lost World's summer run. I can't help but think there was an element of spoiler tactic there, because while I accept that it was explained in the film why things moved to San Diego, there was no real point to it. It didn't help the film, and diverted from the book for no plausible reason IMO.

disagree on Shyamalan to an extent. I will defend all of his films except The Happening. "ITS THE WIND! RUN AWAAAAAY!" - i liked how Signs was basically a story about fate vs faith and i think i worked very well. Unbreakable again is a film i love and think the ending is good. Id like to have been warned about the ending of Dancer in the Dark though, because it made me cry like a little tiny baby....

also, I dont mind the ending to Indy 4. I like the idea of aliens from another dimension and what not, and its more feasable than drinking from the holy grail. a film id like to have been told the ending of in more detail is Donnie Darko. Not because i dont appreciate it, but as in theres a whole new sequel thats coming out, read yto piss all over the mythology laid down in the first film. That film should END THERE

Yes YES OH GOD YES! Minority report. Truky wonderful film, and had the perfect Dick ending with cruise confronted with the man who abducted and murdered his child. This is where the film shoiuld have ended! With Cruise shaved and locked away in his tube to spend eternity in a coma.

Instead it gives us another twist in the tale, and then a rather rushed ending that sees all is well again for everyone. Boooooo!

The ending of The Happening was truely aweful (mind you so was the rest of the movie). Not so much the reasoning behind it but the pathetic measures that allowed the main characters to survive.



I would also like to add War of the Worlds with its "everyone important survived" and 3 weeks after alien invasion everything is back to normal style ending.



In fact any appocolypse movie that ends with a happy ending and life returning to normal isn't really an appocolypse movie now is it... I am not saying everyone should die or that come characters shouldn't have a happy ending but it bugs the shit out of me when "hollywood happy ending" are tacked onto movies that shouldn't really have them.



I thought the ending of Indy 4 was garbage, it just didn't make any sense...

I have no problem with the SPACE NAZIS showing up at the end of Indy 4, it's fine in my mind at least.

I'd nominate The Matrix because really any chance of a sequel could have saved everyone a lot of pain.

I totally agree with most of your picks, especially Indy (although I’d rather the whole film had been canned to be honest, as it was pants) and Jurassic-Zilla. I would, however, very strongly disagree with the M Night Shyamalan bashing. Yes, The Happening was guff, I won’t argue there, but his other flicks are all superb, in my opinion anyway. I loved the ending to Signs, and thought it was a cool and clever way to explain a lot of the events that had happened. The Village was predictable, but still a good ending. Unbreakable, on the other hand, is, for me, in a totally different league, and is one of my favourite films of all time. Samuel L’s last line is pure genius.

The Game had the worst ending ever - I've been shot at, nearly drowned, terrorised, driven to attempt suicide... you got me you crazy joker, I love you buddy!!!

The ending to every Guy Ritchie film should have been leaked so I didn't have to sit through numerous shit Guy Ritchie films.

I mean, he has set himself up for another turkey by casting the hugely wooden JUDE LAW as DR WATSON in the new Holmes movie..... WTF?????????????

give the man a break, he's a bit backward......, bless him !!!

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