10 endings we wished had been leaked to the Internet

News Simon Brew 24 Mar 2009 - 07:36
Things coulda been so different. Well, fairly different...

With the news that Terminator: Salvation’s ending has reportedly altered due to an Internet leak, here’s some others we wish had had the same treatment…

We’re really quite looking forward to Terminator: Salvation, and hope to goodness that McG, Christian Bale and that DP that got shouted at lots can deliver a film worthy of the name.

However, we were intrigued to read this morning that the ending to the film may have been altered as a result of Internet leaking. Bluntly, we never knew we all had such power. And as such, if we could rev up the DeLorean to 88 and head back in time, these are the films of recent times we’d be leaking like mad, simply to try and help them…

One word of warning: while we’ve tried not to discuss too many specifics of the endings in question, there are inevitably spoilers ahead…

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III

Can’t quite puzzle out how this one happened. How did a film in its last act manage to piss away a potentially great villain in almost cartoon style, and then end with Tom Cruise and Michelle Monaghan walking away hand in hand? Did someone substitute the joke script or something on the day they shot it?

THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH

To be fair, if I recall correctly this one was revealed on the Internet. We’re talking about the moment where Pierce Brosnan utters the worst line of movie dialogue in the entire 1990, when he turns to Denise Richards’ Christmas Jones and says, inwardly cringing as he does so, “Christmas comes but once a year.” Sadly, the early shaming of this tawdry piece of dialogue wasn’t enough to persuade the makers of the film to change it.

Surely they wish they had done now?

THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK

With 20 minutes to go, Steven Spielberg had given us a solid Jurassic Park sequel, with some fine sequences in it. And then he transported a bloody dinosaur to San Diego for no clear reason whatsoever, other than to have a pop at the Godzilla movie. Terrible, terrible, terrible. Granted, the Internet in its popular sense was in its infancy when Lost World came out. But heck, we could have tried

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING

We wish, in this case, about three or four of the endings had been leaked onto the Internet. That way, they might have just ended the finest film trilogy of the past decade with just one finale.

VOLCANO

“OMG!”, the Internet would have said. “You know that big film about a big volcano going off and doing big damage? It ends with a patronising bit of moralising that still brings out a shudder that shakes us to our very core.” Or, more likely: “that suckz. LOL.”

PLANET OF THE APES

If you don’t know what we’re talking about, in Tim Burton’s quite horribly bad remake, then we’re not going to sully your mind. It’s just horrible. But, unlike every film in this list, it is at least a crappy ending at the end of a crappy film, and doesn’t hurl a wrecking ball through everything that preceded it.

INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL

See Mr Spielberg and Lucas? It doesn’t always pay to be so secretive does it? Never mind test screenings, focus groups and script doctors. The Internet would have told you that your ending was shit for free. All you had to do was ask.

CONTACT

Lots of things to like about Contact. It’s two thirds of a really good film. Jodie Foster is great in it. James Woods is great in it. And then Jodie heads off in her vessel, and we sit through a moment so out of keeping with the rest of the film, that the Internet invented the acronym WTF to just about cover it.

STAR TREK: NEMESIS

Golden rule of killing a character off: if you’re going to do it, just do it. Don’t bottle it and bring back in another version who looks exactly the same, talks exactly the same, and thus pretty much renders the whole idea pointless. Is it any wonder the franchise needed a reboot after that?

MINORITY REPORT

Is this Spielberg’s best film in recent times? There’s certainly an argument there (although A.I. pips it for me, and hey, that’s a controversial ending I really don’t mind). But once again – and is it a coincidence that there are three Spielberg movies on this list? – we get a pointless last 20 minutes, which granted gives Max Von Sydow some work to do (and it’s always great to see Ming The Merciless on the big screen), but otherwise prolongs and detracts from what had to that point been a great sci-fi thriller.

On top of those, it’d be remiss of us not to discuss…

M NIGHT SHYAMALAN

It seems a bit unfair to cite just one of M Night’s movies, when there are a few with troubling endings. I quite liked the ending of The Village myself (and I like most of his movies too), but struggle with the ultra-quick wrap up to the otherwise brilliant Unbreakable. Most seem to be unanimous on Signs, though, as the ending where things just went horribly, horribly wrong…

Agree? Disagree? Head to the comments…

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