At one point in the mid-90s, I even became convinced that he really did only have one arm

For legal reasons, though, I’d like to point out that the events depicted in this film might not be entirely true to life.

Gary and Wyatt are able to meet actual, physical girlfriends rather than a fantasy one on their computer, and for some of us, the lambs stopped screaming.

You'd almost have thought that the concept of a Doctor Who movie reboot was just something websites like this had come up with so we could get huge screeds of material from it

It’s as tense as a Sunday scoot round Ikea with a ripping hangover, and only marginally less horrific.