After Gina explodes her way into the White House, she has a 20 minute fist fight with the President, who is played by Steven Seagal

Piper is so manly that he’s able to carry off the line “Get out of my sight!”, even though the guy he’s saying it to is behind him.

I think we have the public on our side, because when I went to see Big Mommas, nobody laughed. A sombre silence hung over us all.

Ivan Drago is supposed to represent cold-hearted science. Indeed, his training sees him using the best equipment, steroids and leotards available.

Call me old fashioned, but I like my robot-police hybrids to sound like they'd be able to throw a terrorist out of a third floor window.

When Super is released this Friday, a couple of you are going to have a new favourite film. The rest of you might feel like you’ve just been spanked.

I remember going to see Suburban Commando at the cinema and hearing annoying noises all the way through the film. They turned out to be a group of NES consoles laughing at the special effects.

While the initial release of Turtles Forever suggests a lack of care, the film proves to be a very respectful and very enjoyable tribute to the franchise.

If there's something more cowabunga than a bad tempered Ninja Turtle putting on an armoured disguise, taking to the streets of New York on a motorcycle and beating the living daylights out of violent criminals, then I'm yet to encounter it.

The Turtle suits featured in Ninja Turtles 3 are the first to be created by a company that aren’t Jim Henson’s Creature Shop. It would not be an exaggeration to say that they are awful

Secret Of The Ooze is not a good sequel. Clearly taking influence from the cartoon series, it discards many of the best elements of the first film and replaces them with nonsense.

There are a few victims I've seen in this franchise that look like they'd struggle to lift a sandwich, but apparently, they can beat the shit out of a homicidal maniac without breaking a sweat.

This entry is basically just an excuse to include a picture of Dolph Lundgren in his pants wielding an enormous sword. What of it?

Well, I mean, it's the Internet. I can't be held responsible for what I write on the Internet. If so, Michael Bay would have genuine cause to kill me